Number of Natural Selection Deniers is Dropping at an Alarming Rate, and No One Can Figure Out Why

A worldwide mystery came to a head this Tuesday, as evidence came to light that people who don’t believe in natural selection seem to be dying out, and no one in the affected group knows why. “It’s like some force that’s bigger than us is endangering our species,” said Bubba Wilson, a West Virginian who just can’t figure out why his friends who believe in natural selection have kids and he doesn’t. “It’s terrifying, really.”

      “I just don’t understand it,” said Terrence Liberty, a 57 year old who is “waiting for the right person” to make an emotional connection with. “It’s not like we’re any different from the rest of the population.”

          Still, these natural selection deniers are becoming more and more rare, as they grow closer and closer to extinction. Hopefully, science can find an explanation before their entire species is gone for good.