Macron Wins French Election, Looks Good Doing It, Controversy Ensues

The French people have had their first non-surrender in recent history, completely and utterly changing the scope of European history. France has won a close battle against the Fascists, and have deleted all traces of Nazi WW1 and WW2 invasions.

Now, France’s record is 1-100 (better than 0-8), and the media is producing better clickbait headlines than all of YouTube fidget spinner channels (they exist) combined. Reports have surfaced that Marine Le Pen has started a Skype group call with Benito Mussolini and Kim Jong-Un to discuss further actions while Brigitte Macron has taken the Michelle Obama path to First Ladyship and has decided to visit all the high schools in France and teach sex ed and stranger danger. Apparently, she has been asked hundreds of times how she masterfully crafted the campaign that got her stepson, excuse me, fiance in charge of France. Brigitte Macron has also been applauded by the French film industry.

As the situation settles down, resident hottie Emmanuel Macron realizes that he will actually have to get a law degree, and maybe read the French Constitution, which would make him more politically educated than half of the U.S. Executive Branch. With all of these stories flooding out from French and European media, Trump is angry that he is no longer the center of attention and has dictated from his Twitter: “It’s a true disgrace that Macron was elected! If I had ran, I would have won by more! Pity that he didn’t win by more! Sad!”