Ask Emily #1: How do I De-Stress?

As the enlightened individual I am, I decided to start a life advice column to help my fellow Exonians live as happy and successful of a life as I do.

Question 1:

How do I de-stress?

-Anonymous

Well you came to the right place to ask! I tend to be a pretty busy person myself, so here are the ways I deal with stress when Exeter starts to be a little much.

1. Eat your feelings. Go to D-hall and eat dinner. Afterwards, go to Grill and eat a snack. After that, shamelessly order pizza during study hours. If your mom notices you getting a little chubbier, say it’s “delayed baby weight.”

2. Make friends with the dogs on campus. There’s nothing more calming than sobbing into a furry body.

3. Become a monk.

4. Switch to Andover.

5. Go to the Health Center. Purposefully ingest a strain of the flu. When you become sick, sue the school for enough money that you don’t have to go to school anymore and therefore won’t be stressed.

6. Build a rocket ship in physics class to get you the heck off this planet.

7. Make friends with someone who knows all the drama. Hearing about other people’s problems will make you feel significantly better about your pathetic life.

8. Learn yoga! Yoga is a great way to de-stress. Plus, rumor has it it helps your flexibility.

9. Become a bear and hibernate until winter term is over.

10. Exercise. (Just kidding. Go eat some pizza.)

11. Go to D Squared and drown yourself in London fog until the pain goes away.

12. Get an extension on a major assignment. Beg your teacher for a longer and longer extension. Ideally, you’ll never have to turn it in at all.

13. Find a new hobby! I recommend photography, origami, big game hunting or dressage to liven up your life.