Ways to Reduce Your Dorm Energy

1. Never shower.

2. Never wash your hands.

3. Never flush.

4. Do homework only by natural light. (Just like the vegans!)

5. Cut the wiring for the hallways.

6. If you can adjust your heater, turn it all the way down and rely on huddling with others for warmth.

7. Stop living in your dorm.

8. Turn down your heater and use Trump’s cabinet picks for insolation.

9. Quit leaving all six of your computers plugged in at once.

10. Set up a treadmill and allow the entire cross country team to run on it, effectively generating clean energy.

11. Tell your dorm to kick its coffee and Redbull drinking habits.

12. Leave Exeter.