An Academic Critique of Mr. O'Handley

1. Mr. O’Handley’s “diverse” wardrobe ranges from New Jersey Devils t-shirts, to New Jersey Devils hats, to New Jersey Devils flip-flops.

2. He neglects to recognize the existence of preps, despite his physical stature.

3. He facilitates a dorm grill pecking order, in which I am at the bottom.

4. He sells hard rice krispy treats.

5. Mr. O’Handley is in constant supply of potato chips, restocked at the will of his mother.

6. Yet, he still steals my food.

7. His feet are disproportionately large compared to his body.

8. It is likely that he will convert this meticulously thought-out paragraph into a list article in order to maximize layout space.