Russia Does Something...Sketchy

Senior officials at the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) and the National Security Agency (NSA) announced Tuesday that Russia did something...sketchy. New details resulting from the Russian hackings of the election confirmed what many politicians and analysts had predicted all along--that something seemed...sketchy.

When asked for comment, Director of the CIA John O. Brennan told us that he, “Could not provide specific details at this time. It’s classified information. 110% top secret. Just know this: what the Russians are doing is...sketchy.”

Many politicians called for immediate release of what exactly was so...sketchy that the Russians were up to. However, they were silenced in a similar way to how we were, being told that it was top secret at the moment.

Ever since the Cold War, the United States has had a relationship with Russia that could often be described as competitive, unruly and overall...sketchy. However, not everyone feels that the Russians are to blame.

Our Senior Russian Correspondent, Donald Trump, told us that, “I don’t think Russia is up to anything. My lover--I mean, friend, we haven’t DTR’ed--Putin assured me everything is fine. He said those Russian hacks were just to help us improve our technological security, to show us where we needed to patch up holes. I mean, that’s what friends are for, right?”

All that aside, many Americans on both sides of the political spectrum agree that, especially as of late, Russia has been acting...sketchy.