Wake Up, Exeter. We're Becoming a Communist Nation

Open your eyes, Exeter! Do not let the idealistic visions of the Soviet Union pull you into its grasp! Every day, our community functions more and more like a communist nation, and we are all in trouble. Don’t believe me? You will soon.One of the core tenets of Soviet rule is the lack of free press. You may think we have free press here at Exeter, but that is a sick, twisted illusion. As of this year, you need to log-in online to access The Exonian’s website, and there have been a number of further restrictions on writing. We can’t even make jokes about xxxxxxxxx anymore! Before we know it, all our media is going to be government-centered. J. Smith will be running The Exonian, the English Department will be running Pendulum, and the Math Department will still be busy trying to get the chalkboards clean once and for all.Furthermore, although our school masquerades as a capitalist enterprise, we really are under a communist economy. You may think d-hall relies on supply-and-demand, you may think it relies on laissez-faire philosophy, but in truth, the food distribution is OUT OF CONTROL. If you don’t believe me, I have proof! Wednesday during lunch, I went to Elm Street Dining Hall for lunch. Besides having to stand in a long bread line for the Portuguese sweet bread, when I asked for dumplings, I was told that the rule was only two dumplings per person. TWO DUMPLINGS! That is not enough to feed me! To support my family! To mend the nation’s wounds!We as a community need to put our foot down. I want free press and first-come-first-serve dumplings! I want shorter lines and a functional capitalist economy! I want a liberated Exeter!