10 Awkward Conversations at Thanksgiving

1. “I told you so.”—your racist uncle on Trump winning.

2. Your mom complaining that you didn’t eat the yams even though you told her you don’t eat yams.

3. Your own internal monologue of never-ending screaming.

4. “So when do we hear back from Harvard?”—literally your whole family.

5. “Have you gained weight? You really should stop stress eating.”—your aunt, as she reaches for more non-complex carbs.

6. “You need to eat more, you’re gonna be too skinny. Men like a little junk in the trunk.”—your other, internally sexist aunt as she too reaches for some non-complex carbs.

7. Probably some mention of “the liberal agenda.”

8. An actual, passionate argument over whether or not the singers in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade are lipsyncing or not.

9. A family feud as to whether or not pumpkin pie tastes the same as sweet potato pie.

10. An unanimous decision to just get pecan pie instead, prompting a new argument as to what the right way to pronounce, “pecan” is.