Grill Grace for Good Guidance

Dear Grace,

I’ve been having some trouble in Prep Spaz. I think the coaches are really hard. Just last week they made us run a whole quarter of a lap around the track! And then we had to change in time for assembly! I was so tired that I barely made it on time. What do you suggest I do?

-Unathletic Prep

Dear Unathletic Prep,

That sounds quite troubling. Four years ago, I was in this exact situation, and here’s what I suggest you do. First, grab a buddy who also sees a problem. Then, whenever the coach tells you to work out, you and your buddy fall over on the ground and play dead. Wait until the practice is over, then go back to your dorm. Repeat until your coach gets the idea. Also, don’t stress about going to assembly. It’s not like it’s a required appointment or anything.

-Grace

Dear Grace,

I have a history paper that’s due at finals block, and we only just got the prompt! I’m so stressed! How am I ever going to get it done on time?

-Freaking Out

Dear Freaking Out,

Honestly, you have nothing to worry about. Here’s my trick for getting my papers assigned far in advance done on time: Set aside some time every day to forget about the history paper and procrastinate. My preferred procrastination method? Snapchat. Try out every filter. Then, the night before the paper is due, remember it, then spend your entire evening thinking about ways to BS your way through it. This method WILL get you an A.

-Grace

Dear Grace,

My early app is due on November 1st! How can I write an essay that will guarantee me admission to Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Stanford, Duke, Chicago, Columbia, and Berkeley?

-Forgot About Apps Until Last Minute

Dear Forgot About Apps Until Last Minute,

I’m in the same boat here. If I had a shred of advice this is where I’d put it.

-Grace

Dear Grace,

Do you have any interesting music recommendations? My Spotify playlist has been looking kinda sad lately.

-Sad Song Seeker

Dear Sad Song Seeker,

Darude Sandstorm. NEXT.

-Grace