Cat Spotlight: Smokey Robinson
While dogs have recently enjoyed attention from the Life section of The Exonian, cats have been busy being superior to all other beings.This week’s cat is Smokey Robinson Campbell, a majestic, black and white feline who is the proud owner of Megan Campbell, a local Latin nerd. Smokey Robinson enjoys long walks on the kitchen countertop and running after inanimate objects.When not reminiscing about his past, Smokey Robinson manages his small business, Catfit, out of Manchester. Catfit is a workout and nutritional program for those cats who just can’t stay away from the couch and the casserole. The program currently houses 249 members, the majority of which are working in a pyramid scheme to recruit more cats. “It’s been going extremely well so far,” stated Mr. Whiskers, a goldstar member of Catfit. “Though to be honest, that might be because of the backdoor catnip operation.” Smokey Robinson also has a secret family. During the night he stays with the Campbells, ensuring that they don’t do anything too stupid, but when the Campbells go off to work, he drives his motorcycle to Portsmouth in order to see his seven children. “It’s actually a problem,” said Mr. Whiskers. “He hasn’t shown up to Catfit in weeks.”
The cat also travels during his vacations to volunteer in places where cats are less fortunate. “I try my best to be a global citizen,” stated Smokey Robinson. “Sure, it would probably benefit the starving cats in South America for me to just donate all my savings, but donations do not make for decent Facebook profile pictures.”Smokey Robinson used to be a household name. “In my younger years everyone knew who I was,” Smokey Robinson said as he gazed out a window. “My smooth jazz band, Smokey Vibes, had thousands of followers. We were even on Ellen once.”
“He keeps talking about his band,” complained friend Garfy. “His band is over. He needs to move on.” According to Garfy, Smokey Robinson has been in a downward spiral these past few months. He has neglected to pay his bills, does not answer his mother’s phone calls and though it hasn’t been formally announced yet, has been released from his position at Catfit.”Smokey Robinson Campbell is currently accepting donations on his GoFundMe page to help pay rent.If you have a cat who is as accomplished as Smokey Robinson, please submit his or her name to exonianhumor@gmail.com. Furthermore, Smokey Robinson would like to wish his most prized pet, Megan Campbell, a happy early birthday!