Blemish Blemishes Student’s Image

On Wednesday, Oct. 19, 2016 at 7:29 a.m., prep Pip Kuehn woke and discovered that he had been stricken down by a case of Acne vulgaris, causing an objectively enormous closed comedo to form on the center of his otherwise smooth and relatively non-greasy forehead.

“I couldn’t believe it,” Kuehn told The Exonian. “There I was, less than 48 hours away from Family Weekend, and this giant, throbbing, pus-filled pimple decides to appear out of nowhere.”

The closed comedo’s timing was particularly disastrous for Kuehn because of his “special” circumstances. “The parents of my long-term girlfriend of nine days and 13 hours are coming to Parents’ Weekend,” Kuehn stated. “This is the first time I’m meeting them and I was hoping to make a good impression. Now, though, once they see this whitehead, they’re going to equate me with the neon-colored polo-wearing boys I’ve tried to distance myself from. I’m a Vineyard Vines boy, not a baggy khakis with pockets boy.”

Though Kuehn’s girlfriend, fellow prep Love Interest, has outwardly been nonchalant about the entire ordeal, she quietly expressed concern when questioned by The Exonian. “I’ve been telling Pip that it’s no biggie and that it’s barely noticeable at all, only visible when you really look for it, but that’s a lie. That’s always a lie.” Interest was unable to finish the rest of the interview due to the difficult circumstances of this event being the couple’s second big hurdle in their relationship. (The first occurred on day two when Kuehn accused Interest of dabbing too much.)

“I’m really worried for them,” one of Kuehn and Interest’s friends said. “They’ve been together for so long that they’ve become the anchor of our prep class. Let’s hope for their sake and ours too that this pimple goes away before Friday.”

When the pimple was asked about when he was planning to heal, he said that he had every intention to stay and even planned to bring a couple friends out, too.