Senior “Accidentally” Dicks Assembly and Turns Herself In

Coach Morris, who did not attend Assembly this past Friday for a morning stroll and coffee, passed by D^2 and saw her rower, Cady Crowley ’17, through the window. Cady was reportedly “unaware of the time” and accidentally dicked assembly. Coach Morris tapped her wristwatch, prompting Cady to amble out of the shop and head to assembly. However, Cady soon realized that she wouldn’t make it and decided to take the dickey. In order to avoid the disciplinary consequences of disobeying a teacher’s orders to return to assembly, Cady turned herself in with the following email:“Mr. Cosgrove,Earlier today, having been unaware of the time passing, I was in d^2, and, having been alerted of the time by another teacher, realized I was missing assembly.Although I headed in the direction of the assembly hall, I saw that I’d get there with maybe five to ten minutes left in the block, would likely be dicked anyway, and was probably at that point just better off finishing work and taking the dickey.So at that point I finished my work, and at this point am accepting the dickey.Thank you, and I hope my unprovoked confession has been as unusual to read as it was to write,Cadence Crowley, class 2017, ID #0-------”When asked for an official statement, Dean Cosgrove said, “I wish everyone would turn themselves in.”Note from the author: Cady, I’m sorry for asking Dean Cos for a statement and reminding him about your dickey.