Upper Absorbs Habits of the Presidential Debate, Discussion Spirals

After witnessing the first debate of the 2016 presidential election, upper Brock Bamuh decided to employ strategies used by both Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. Bamuh hoped that this approach would make him seem like a more “practiced, respectful” Harkness student. Still, his peers found that Bamuh’s positive intentions have only served to make him a loathed classmate.

The upper, for one, now has the habit of interrupting others. “I wasn’t even making a point about the reading,” said his teacher, a member of Bamuh’s history class. “I had to switch formats and was in the process of introducing myself and suddenly he cut me off by saying ‘That’s great and all Hillary, but what were the economics of the dust bowl? I mean, we all know that the elites caused it.’”

Bamuh also interrupts others in order to express his disagreement. He also makes an effort to disagree on statements no matter if they’re opinions or just plain facts. His teacher reported, “Someone asked me what page I was quoting, and when I said page 23, he butted in saying, ‘Nuh, uh. Wrong. That’s wrong,’ and I could see him staring right at the passage. On page 23.”

“He told the class that he was live fact-checking everything that I said and provided a link to the website,” complained a member of Bamuh’s chemistry class.

In response, Bamuh shrugged and said, “I would’ve done that anyways. Pretty sure he hasn’t done homework since last spring.”

Other aspects of this Exonian have unsettled classmates. Bamuh now rolls his eyes and gives a smirk-esque smile whenever someone else makes a comment. “He said that I am in my ‘own reality,’ but it looks like he’s interacting with someone else the entire time.”

Furthermore, Bamuh has taken to wearing single-color pantsuits. As a result, he has been consistently mistaken for inanimate objects such as giant bananas, shrubs, and Donald Trump wearing an orange shirt.

Bamuh intends on continuing his efforts to be more like the presidential nominees despite Exonians’ outcry. “To put it simply,” said the omniscient Michael George, “Brock set out to be like the two nominees in order to improve himself and ended up becoming the most hated person on campus. Don’t you love politics?”