Nothing Wrong With Exeter

As the beginning of fall term starts and students continue rolling into their new schedules and lifestyles, opinions are also becoming more pronounced and known on campus. Social media outlets like Facebook and Snapchat have encouraged students to talk more anonymously and privately about different matters concerning Phillips Exeter Academy. And, according to one recent polling, Exonians seem to all be in agreement about one thing: Exeter has no problems whatsoever.

“Wow, this place is great!” shouted all 1000+ Exonians in unison last Thursday after the weekly singing of Kumbaya and discussion about how worry-free life is.

Average student Sheryl Crow stated, “I only have positive things to say about Exeter.” Crow plays three varsity sports and does MUN, Debate, and 77 percent of ESSO clubs. “I can only imagine that everyone feels the exact same way that I do.” (After interviewing other students it soon became apparent that they all had the same thing to say, word for word.) The only conclusion to draw from situation is that Exeter is the best place on Earth.

“All news is bad news,” proclaimed many people throughout history, but that apparently is not the case at all. The Exonian is lined with pictures of smiling faces and titles that suggest that we are all joyous vegans. (Which is the case, of course.) There is no way that anything negative about Phillips Exeter Academy could arise in the future. And if something negative were to arise, Exonians would know about it first from The Exonian because it is a reliable, credible newspaper, right?

(If you do have “bad” or “concerning” news or opinions to share, please feel free to report them ONLY to your diary.)