Reasons Why You Should Date Me
1. If someone else gives you 50 reasons why you should take them to EP, I can give you 51.
2. You know that thing that parents do when their child is 27 and still single? That’s me, now, so you get the pleasure of fulfilling two people’s wildest dreams.
3. I’ve only been outdoors twice this term, which means you won’t contract Lyme Disease from me.
4. I have a dog. His name is Bilbo (do you get why I’m single?).
5. Bilbo has a Tick Twister that I can use on you when we inevitably discover that you’re teeming with ticks.
6. I am probably already in love with you.
7. I have a lowkey obsession with ticks.
8. Hang-out time with me is like taking an AP: Exhausting, tear-filled and totally not worth the 98 bucks. Despite the grumbling, however, you’ll still hang out with me anyway.
9. I won’t outdo you in class or outside of it unless we’re talking football trivia. I probably know how many times Tom Brady has sneezed in his life.
10. I totally made eye contact with Principal MacFarlane once so now I have an in to tell you when Principal’s Day will be next year.
11. We can read the humor articles I wrote in my lower year together.
12. I shook hands with Bill Clinton once.
13. Once you inevitably tire of me and break it off, I will only cry and send you spiteful texts for 47 months.
14. Everyday I will bring you super fresh fruits straight out of Market Basket.
15. I will accept you no matter where you’re from (as long as you’re not from Iowa) and no matter how right-wing you are.
16. I won’t demand that you tell me your passwords because I’ll have already figured them out.
17. I repeat: I am probably already in love with you.
18. If I’ve ever heard you sing then I am definitely already in love with you.
19. I will laugh at you a lot, but it’s okay because you’ll laugh at me a lot too.
20. I am writing this article on Principal’s Day at 9:58 pm in sweatpants and a hoodie, so chances are, I will say yes 17 times out of 10 when you ask to hang out.
21. Still a better love story than Twilight.