Ways to be a Good Person This Spring

Spring term: the term of seniors gone wild, eating too much Stillwell’s and “doing homework” outside on the quad. As the flowers bloom and students swim in the river, here are some things we as a school could do to improve ourselves.

1. Eat more Indian food—naan sibi.

2. Have Principal’s day this coming Monday so I don’t have to take that Physics quiz.

3. Invite me to play can jam.

4. Tell me my frisbee throws are good, even though they’re definitely trash.

5. Vote for me for Upper Rep.

6. Have real tea at dorm teas.

7. Ask me to go bridge jumping, then don’t make fun of me when I chicken out because heights and water are scary.

8. Buy me a step stool for Spring Fling so I can make uncomfortable eye contact with DJ Uplifted.

9. Let me wear my flower crown without someone yelling, “This isn’t Coachella!” every five minutes.

10. Don’t wear neon polo shirts.

11. When you wave at your friend and I accidentally wave back, smile and wave to me too so I don’t realize my mistake and hope that my soul departs from my body.

13. Don’t be a shark, hold the snark.

14. Wish Majestic Terhune a happy birthday this Sunday.