This Week’s News: A Summary
It’s that time of year again. The flowers bloom, the sun shines and your breath is no longer visible every time you step outside. For many, this means endless hours spent outside soaking up the nice weather with friends. For me, it means a barrage of allergies, which entails sneezing, rubbing my eyes and just generally trying not to die. As youths say these days, there are two kinds of people.
So whether you’re too busy lying out on the quad or too busy taking as much allergy medicine as there is in the aisle, I’ve kindly summarized this past week’s biggest news for you all, so you don’t have to waste time reading through all the other sections of this newspaper. Please don’t waste your time reading through all the other sections of this newspaper.
First of all, there’s the big news that all students will be required to have a laptop next year. This comes only two years after the iPad requirement. There has been a lot of backlash to this new requirement, but that’s only because at Exeter, there’s backlash to everything, like conservatism. A couple of students did say, however, that they didn’t mind this new development because, as one of them put it, “as long as they don’t require me to bring my brain, we’re good”(The quote giver would not release their name but were willing to admit on the record that they are a part of JV crew).
Speaking of requirements, no one was required to go to the MIT Logs’ performance last Friday, but everyone went anyway, mainly to get a picture of them clutching the shirt of a beautiful college boy. For many Exonians, that was their first and last exposure to any sort of joy before this term is over.
On the subject of joyous occasions, Dean Cosgrove sent out a school-wide email on Tuesday about assembly attendance (or lack thereof). In an exclusive interview with The Exonian, Dean Cosgrove lamented poor attendance levels and cried, “Why does only 50 percent of the school show up for Assembly when more than 90 shows up to their APs and SATs?”
In fact, every single Class of 2017 hardo took the APs they had signed up for. Some of them even studied.