Letter From the Stand-in Peabody Custodian
Hello Peabody,
Once again I have entered the kitchen to find it in a state of disrepair. There are dirty pans in the sink filled with the remnants of someone’s ramen and a paper towel. Somehow somebody managed to get chocolate all over the faucet. The counters are dirty with powder and an empty popcorn bowl that has bits of popcorn, kernels, and disgusting coagulated “butter” (probably some type of butter substitute). Amazingly, people have managed to dirty the counter and the stove with two of the easiest foods to clean up: EasyMac and ramen. The cleanup process for those two foods is literally throw the bowl, plastic flavoring wrapper and cover into the trash, yet someone(s) has managed to mess that up too.
There seems to be a common misconception that the sink is a trash receptacle. I’d like to use this email to remind the dorm that it is not. The trash receptacle is the trash receptacle. The only things that can (and should) go down the sink are water and things that can dissolve in water. Reminder: ramen does not dissolve in water. If it did, then you wouldn’t be eating ramen; you’d be eating some sort of starchy paste. Yuck. Muffins also cannot dissolve in water, as well as popcorn and brownies. The “vegetables” that come with a serving of ramen cannot dissolve either, in case there was any confusion.
This whole kitchen business seems emblematic of a common dorm problem. We have a lack of respect for our environment. When I enter the second floor bathroom, the first thing I notice is that the eight people who use the bathroom are clearly not all Steph Curry. There are consistently wadded up paper towels on the floor near the garbage can. Usually paper does not hop out of a garbage can, so I can assume that people have failed to get the paper into the garbage can in the first place. I can only imagine that this would happen after someone dries their hands, turns around to face the door and throws the wadded up wet towel over their shoulder, missing the can and exiting the bathroom at the same time before they hear the sound of their failure. Obviously if they see the towel miss they would walk over, bend down, and pick it up. Perhaps it’s the bending down that is hard. I will make a note to tell Nico LeBlanc that we should invest in some of those arm extender things so that we don’t have to bend down anymore to pick objects off the ground.
Others who attempt to make the shot prematurely celebrate their success. They hit the backstop, forgetting that unlike basketballs, wet paper towels tend not to bounce. Instead, they fall behind the can and sit there, festering in their wetness. Yesterday, I watched a video of a kids basketball team prematurely celebrating success after they sink a free throw to attain a lead with less than one second remaining. A kid on the other team lobbed the ball across the entire court. The ball sailed through the air and entered the basket. The other team won. I can only imagine that some of the kids of the losing team cried afterwards.
In terms of trash, people do not know what to put in each receptacle. Despite constant reminders, people keep putting food into the recycle bin on the second floor. Generally only paper, plastic, glass, and metals can be recycled. Consider putting things that are not in those four categories in the trash. Paper with some type of grease or ketchup on it does not count. The act of putting paper underneath a food item does not inherently make the whole entity recyclable. Also, when I get up in the morning and pull a towel around me to take a shower, I prefer not to smell the rancid odor of last night’s Supremes’ order. Cover up your blue cheese sauce, or throw it away outside.
As for the kitchen: if it is not cleaned by Tuesday, I will ask Dr. Wade to host another teaching session with me. Perhaps we will also consider other alternatives to “discourage” dorm mates from making messes.
I must write my 333 now,
Tyler