Teachers Surprised to Learn That You Do, In Fact, Take Four Other Classes

In the evening of this last Monday, chaos ensued amongst the town of Exeter. Teachers fled the Academy Building. Books were left scattered all over Phillips Hall. The science building broke out into flames, and not just because of poor lab procedure in Chem 220. All this because the Phillips Exeter math department made a radical discovery that completely blew the minds of teachers.

Late one evening, during a meeting, some senior officials of the math department stumbled upon a profound finding. They double checked their calculations to confirm that, in fact, students at Exeter take not just their class, but four other classes as well. In their official statement, the department said, “We did the math many times over—heck, we even checked to make sure our calculators weren’t in radian mode. As it turns out, students to actually have things to do and aren’t just wasting their time like we thought.”

This same sentiment seemed to be shared by other teachers as well. Dean Cosgrove spoke up and said, “Wow, see, I just assumed that since I only teach one class per term, that everyone only takes one class per term. The math just worked out, you know? It’s like my whole world has been turned upside down.”

After the facts became widely known, there was some call for action by the administration. StuCo met to discuss the topic, and has been meeting continuously since the event took place. As suspected, no progress has been made and they are currently talking about whether or not there should be buffalo sauce on the chicken in DHall. Some seniors suggested making sauce out of preps. Someone save us from our government.

When the administration was asked if this discovery would lead teachers to lighten workload or change the class schedule at all, they said it would not. When asked why not, the administration told us that life is hard and to stop whining.