Trump Sparks Anti-Assembly Movement

While many look at Trump as a source of amusement, reason to lose faith in the American people, or motivation to keep New Year’s resolutions, one group of Exonians decided to follow in his footsteps. Just as the Donald refused to partake in the recent Republican debate, a collection of students and faculty created an anti-Assembly.Anti-Assembly will meet during the scheduled Assembly blocks, but attendance will be optional. Rather than the usual array of speakers, anti-Assembly will host one member of the Exeter community to come and talk about his or her general experience as a human being. Speakers are encouraged to respond to questions with questions and provide extra bonding moments during tea-time in the Latin Study. Attendees are asked to not give standing ovations. In fact, no clapping at all. Only snapping and reflective silence. Clapping will be punished with a permanent ban from all future anti-Assemblies.Still, anti-Assembly will keep some Assembly traditions. For one, at the start of the school year, everyone will sing together. But instead of For the Splendor of Creation, the school is anticipated to perform a cover of Wonderwall. Even more, anti-Assembly is set to take place in a room that, in terms of the fire code, threatens the lives of students. When asked why this aspect of Assembly would remain, a proponent of anti-Assembly answered, “Fire codes are regulations, which are parts of systems. Anti-Assembly is firmly anti-establishment, so giving in to things like fire codes would show anti-Assembly to be hypocritical. Or even worse,” shuddered the proponent, “problematic.”Those that formed anti-Assembly are expectedly comprised of students and English instructors, but surprisingly enough, also include staff from the finance office. “When you compare inviting a professor from Berkeley to speak at Assembly against asking Joe from D Squared to speak at anti-Assembly, Joe will cost less seven times out of ten,” stated an employee that does something with numbers. “The other three times are D Squared just being overpriced and playing hard to get. Tricky, D Squared. Tricky.”Though Phillips Exeter Academy has an above average endowment, money should be saved wherever possible. For example, instead of stocking Grill with Acqua di Cristallo “Tributo a Modigliani” from Fiji, Grill sells the humble Perrier Sparkling Mineral Water from France.Who knew Donald Trump could have such an influence on PEA? Election season is sure to inspire Exonians to make more changes within the community. For worse or better, politics are now, for the first time ever, infiltrating the Exeter bubble. Thanks, Obama!