Dorm vs. Dorm

How to Hide Midterms from Parents1. Convince them that [insert grade] Winter is pass/fail now too.2. Avoid your adviser for the next few weeks. You don’t have to tell your parents if you don’t know the grades either.3. You dropped the slip into a vat of dining hall chowder.4. Distract them with the fact you’re going to go see Trump speak on Thursday.5. You should just lie, you don’t live with them. Duh. (Sorry, day students.) Runner-Up1. Send a box of live bees to your parent’s house. They’ll be so busy getting bees out of the house they’ll forget all about your midterms.2. Break your leg. Your parents can’t pester you about midterms while you’re in the hospital.3. Pierce your nose and dye your hair. That way, your parents will have something new to be angry about. Better yet, they might not even recognize you anymore!4. When your parents ask what your midterms were, text them:AAAAAAAAAAAACHHHOO!If they try to call you, just start sneezing! You can’t tell them your midterms if you can’t stop sneezing.5. Next time they ask you—forget grades! Tell them you are now a star editor of the humor page.  Next Week: Kirtland House vs. Moulton HouseEach week, two or three dorms will be pitted against each other. Members of the chosen dorms will submit a reply to the Humor section’s weekly prompt. The funniest, most appropriate response will be published in the Humor Section and the dorm with the best response will win the round. Submissions must be emailed to exonianhumor@gmail.com before EP on the Tuesday following this edition of The Exonian.This week’s prompt: 5 Regrets from Abbot Casino