How to Win Reduction Rivalry

Shower in other people’s dorms

Plug in a one terawatt computer into Lamont

Switch to pen and paper

Steal all of the chargers in your dorm

Stop blow drying in the mornings, Tommy Song

Don’t do your homework

Befriend a volleyball, move to a deserted          island and examine the human condition

Kick the preps out

Kick the lowers out

Kick out the uppers, too

Don’t forget the seniors

Become a day student

Turn off your Minecraft, Peabody

Bribe T. Hassan L. MacFarlane