Steps to Going Up, on a Tuesday

1. Begin with literally getting up. Whether it be from your bed or the sad remains of unfinished homework, this step (though often overlooked) is imperative.2. Look in the mirror.3. Regret looking in the mirror.4. Pick up a pair of unwashed jeans off the floor and hope that everything on your upper half is in dress code.5. Take out your retainer.6. Spray something that smells nice on your body to hide your natural odors. If you don’t have cologne or perfume, use an air freshener. If you don’t have an air freshener, just wash your armpits in the bathroom sink.7. Attempt to comb your hair.8. Give up—messiness shows apathy, and apathy is hot, right?9. Decide between hygiene and breakfast. Pick breakfast.10. Walk to class in the winter, which is really just slipping on the ice until you slide into your first class.11. Choose a seat to take, and don’t be indecisive. This is Tuesday, not Friday.12. “Forget” assembly is on Tuesday.13. Be so popular that a faculty member has to personally escort you to assembly.14. Take a quick nap during assembly.15. Try to buy a croissant from Grill during the break after assembly.16. Get robbed by a prep that looks like a PG.17. Escape from Grill with a fractured arm, broken finger and a black eye.18. Show up to class. (Optional.)19. Think about what’s for lunch.20. Regret thinking about what’s for lunch.21. Think about what’s for dinner.22. Regret thinking about what’s for dinner.23. Zone out for twenty minutes.24. Cry a little bit when you realize that you are using fat block.25. After class ends, check P.O.26. Question parent's love after receiving nothing from P.O.27. Pretend you're athletic and show up to your club sport.28. Walk an entire mile in less than an hour.29. Stretch.30. Injure yourself while stretching.31. Return to your campus dwelling (utterly exhausted) and realize that you have over two hours until date night officially begins.32. Go on the computer to start your paper.33. Close your computer. Exonians only write papers the night before (read: morning) they’re due.34. Take a two hour study break.35. Prepare for EP.36. Let your friend approach you and admit that your date cancelled so they are filling in.37. Return to your home, and confine yourself to your room and your problems.38. Be proud because you managed to complete one subject of homework with twenty minutes still left in the day.39. Crawl into bed and wonder what in the world Drake is doing with his life.40. Question why you aren’t doing the same thing.