Flavor
Have you ever realized that nothing in Grill is worth buying? Do you scramble to get something anyway because you’re not sure if you’re incredibly hungry or vaguely bored?This happens to me all the time.In order to not deprive the patrons in line behind me in the Grill line, I go out of my way to hurry when finding a snack. Sometimes, my arbitrary choice of snack becomes a previously undiscovered favorite, and sometimes, it’s just sorta… eh.The other day, I found myself wandering into Grill. Naturally, I forced myself to choose an item so that I could complete a quick and efficient economic exchange. Popcorn was my choice of the day. Now, popcorn’s interesting because it’s the kind of food appreciated at parties. There’s a lot of it, and other naive partygoers praise you for bringing a two-dollar bag of microwaveable popcorn.The popcorn I was staring at was in a blue carton. On the bottom right corner of this carton were the words, "Naturally and Artificially Flavored." Let me repeat that phrase, bolded, just as it was on the box: Naturally and Artificially Flavored.You see, this really annoys me. What does this phrase even mean? If something is both naturally and artificially flavored, isn’t it just…flavored? And isn’t all food flavored somehow? How could something not be naturally or artificially flavored anyway? The statement doesn’t say anything useful. It’s a truism of the highest form.Imagine turning on the weather channel one day and hearing the newscaster say, "It’ll either rain or not today, ladies and gentlemen." He won’t be wrong, but the guarantee of him being correct doesn’t bring any consolation to the audience. Truisms detract from the sense of security that information is intended to provide.I’d love to read the corporate protocol that allows things like this to be printed on food products. Is this part of America’s war against obesity? Am I supposed to read this and shame my chubby child while saying, "A-ha, I told you popcorn was popcorn-flavored"?No, it’s stupid. Food is always flavored. If the popcorn here at Exeter has to remind people of that, the popcorn at Andover must display even more obvious "statements." Snack makers need some dignity with their label creation. At least the weatherman isn’t making me fat.