What Class Are You?

It’s a Sunday morning. There are no classes and the world is your oyster. What do you do? a) Treat yourself to a breakfast composed of fruit and cereal.b) Blow up your alarm clock. It had it coming.c) Open the window. Feel the breeze race across your skin, hear the rustle of your papers drifting across your desk. Contemplate the meaning of the cold day because it cannot simply just be cold outside.d) It starts with listening to podcasts, but it quickly turns into something completely different. You think back to that one time that your grandma yelled at you for drinking too many juice boxes. You decide that humans are inherently evil. You cry. Oh no! You slept through your class and didn’t turn in your paper. What do you do? a) Take deep breaths. After working so hard, you deserve some rest. You’re still alive and besides hand-foot-mouth, you’re healthy.b) Nrreah! You blow up your paper. You had it saved on your computer anyways. You think.c) A sigh escapes past your lips. The time on your phone stares at you, bright and unchanging. You ignore the splinters in your chair as you sit down. You trace your fingers through your greasy hair. Oh well- you can send your teacher an email later.d) The world is ending. That paper took you hours, days even, to construct into a somewhat intelligible piece. Over the weekend you drew the curtains, dimmed the lights, and shut the door just so shadows couldn’t distract you. This paper is pretty much your firstborn child. You decide that you might as well take this opportunity to start rewriting- you know you’ll have to eventually. You contemplate why this is even a big deal. You determine that society has constructed us into overworked machines. You cry. Your mom calls and asks how life is going. What do you say? a) You describe how you absolutely love your sport, how you put as much extra studying time into class as you can, how you adore the variety of food options at Dhall, and how you managed to make new friends. The only problem is that between all of your extracurriculars and efforts towards being the perfect, well-rounded student, you are lacking in sleep, therefore making you less perfect. Hopefully your afternoon meditations will help.b) You admit that you blew something up and set off the fire alarm. Again. Your roommate can’t seem to find their favorite pair of shoes, but that’s not the point.c) The leaves are too undecided. One morning you looked out to see the green stems huddled together, and the next they had dispersed. As they leave one another behind they appear to blush a deep, ruddy red.d) You talk about the architecture of the school. And the bricks. You talk about the alien landing and old capital, but you don’t mention the fires. You cannot bear the mention the fires. You think that everything is fated to burn. You start crying. If you answered mostly… A’s- You are Health. Chill. You know how to aim for a well-balanced lifestyle, but try to be more realistic. You probably have a notebook detailing every activity of every moment. You’re wary of the new mashed potato bacon pizza at Elm. You’re probably that kid that everyone goes to for hand sanitizer. Anytime a friend gets sick, they’re sure to count on you to stay away. B’s- You are Chemistry. I am slightly scared of you. You live dangerously and force those around you to live dangerously as well. You most likely sing songs about everything reacting in mole ratio and wake up early on Saturdays just to put on your lab coat. (Another reason why I am slightly scared of you.) C’s- You are English. Have you seen High School Musical? You know the drama teacher? Well, that’s you. People either find you enlightening or stop listening ten seconds into the conversation. You text in paragraphs and do not pause to correct grammar. Sometimes you talk in Old English, but that is highly doubtful considering no one has yet to figure out exactly what you are trying to say. D’s- You are History. You like to scrutinize the past and sometimes you apply it to the future. A lot of days you end up losing faith in humans, but it’s nothing that mashed potato bacon pizza can’t fix. Usually. You get into a lot of arguments and refuse to call it anything but a debate. No one quite understands why your bookshelf is full of different versions of the same book. Then again, no one understands you. E’s- You are Art. Way to think outside the box and not conform to society. So hip. Dos lechugas for you.