Exeter Love

To tell you the truth, my love life in general has been pretty lame as of late. It’s hard being a prep looking for romance, because nobody wants to date you simply because you’re a prep! It doesn’t make any sense!But alas, do not weep for me, for I have a plan to avoid this obnoxious stigma. It goes as follows:I’ll start by sneaking into the lower section of assembly hall every assembly. I’ve been told multiple times I could pass for a lower (how mature!), so this should be easy. I will then proceed to learn the slang of the hip lowers. After all, I need to learn to talk like them if I’m really going to fool anyone. God knows preps and lowers are so incredibly different.Once I can walk the walk and talk the talk, I’ll start hanging out with only upperclassmen. I’ll be their one chill "lower" friend. They’ll mentor me in their super cool hip awesome ways. I’ll soon adapt their mannerisms and speech patterns.I’ll start to attend their fancy senior dinners. If I wear heels and heavy eye makeup, nobody will be able to tell that I’m actually just a ninth grader. At these dinners, I will meet and greet with successful alumnae. The stressed-about-the-future seniors will see my success in talking to important people, and feel obligated to befriend me in order to get the right connections in their post-Exeter lives.After a particularly social dinner, a cute senior boy will ask me if I’ll give him advice on how to be such a people pleaser. I’ll tell him, "Just follow your heart."He’ll reply with, "That’s good advice. I think I’ll start following my heart right now."He’ll lean in to kiss me. We’ll kiss for a solid four seconds. It will be magical. He’ll look me right in the eyes and ask me the ever-important question, "EP?"I’ll win The Game, Exeter. I’ll win it.