Stop Oversleeping

It has officially passed the midterm mark here at Exeter, and today is May 1, which means our days here are dwindling. I would give you an exact number, but I’m sure some homesick prep or desperate senior has an iPhone countdown down to the second. That being said, while the Academy and our teachers (read: prison guards) are not yet ready to let go, our brains are. Those late night cram sessions and all-nighters from the year are piling up. The finals week schedule has just come out as well, a true indication that things are about to hit the fan. Naturally, you’ve probably only gotten six hours of sleep (or less) for the past few weeks and used up all of your dickeys when the weather was nice and you had no cares in the world. 

Not having any dickeys left is a very scary thing. It inspires fear and paranoia in even the strongest of PG’s and the most studious of preps. Another very scary thing is sleeping through your first (or second, or third) class of the day due to lack of sleep or something like that. Lucky for you all, we here at the humor page stayed up all night coming up with ways you can avoid oversleeping.

1. Set at least ten different alarms, all with different tones. Who cares if everyone on your floor can hear you snoozing from 6 am until 7:50? As long as you’re awake and ready for class, you’re good. 

2. Invest in a really loud bird that likes to wake up early. 

3. Or invest in a hamster. Rodents are nocturnal, and the noise from their wheel squeaking will wake you up every couple of hours, tricking your body into thinking you are napping and allowing you to wake up easier. 

4. Drink 5 Hour Energy. Lots of it. 

5. Don’t go to bed, ever. You can avoid oversleeping if you never actually go to sleep. Think of all of the work you’d get done!