Break Up Break Down

As a young, innocent lower (tbh I'm basically a prep), I've never, EVER interacted with a boy before, let alone date one. But after speaking with and polling my fellow Bancroft lowers, I'm now able to finally paint a picture of what post-breakup is like for a girl.

The hour after:

This is a very sensitive time. The girl needs her friends, a box of tissues, The Notebook and a pint of ice cream. No breakup is complete without these necessities. You practically can't break up without these things. In fact, it should be mandatory for the boyfriend to bring these things before that special, unforgettable, intimate moment happens when you dump each other, because, of course, no girl could go a breakup without them, and not every girl may have these things accessible. After he leaves, the girl will suddenly remember all the awesome, super amazing things that he did or said, even though later she'll be saying he's a jerk. Like that time he complimented your elbow or that time you thought he was smiling at you, but it was actually when D-Hall had edible meat for dinner. Little does she know that, all along, he's been courting her friend in the dorm. That's okay, let her be sad now, she'll accidently find out next week and it'll give her a reason to be mad at him.

The day after:

A very tough decision needs to be made this morning. Do you dress in all black and wear no makeup so that people will wonder what's up and ask, or do you dress like a sexy Jenna Marbles to attract attention and get an EP date? Obviously you opt for fake eyelashes, bronzer and a skirt that can double as a belt. Halfway through the day, you remember that you haven't shaved in weeks, and sprint back to your dorm to change into the only object of clothing that screams sexy and lazy at the same time—leggings. You pull on the leggings, hop into bed just for a second (like we all tell ourselves), and then decide to hop into bed because screw classes. ​

The week after:

For some reason, both of you have English in the basement after lunch. You walk downstairs and see him talking to some day student. Best course of action is to pop some headphones in and pop the collar to your coat (because you still have to wear a coat this "spring" term), making you look way too important for him. In the wild, it is said that some animals use what they can to make themselves look bigger than they normally are. Well, it's the same in our fake little Exeter bubble, primarily because everyone agrees the adolescents have the same real world intelligence of a basic primate. He is staring at you. You know he's staring. Don't look, don't look, don't look. Did you look? You're weak.

A month after:

Everything's pretty much back to the way it was before, if you can even remember that far back. You look back and think, wow, that was dumb. Why did I date him? He has dumb shoes. At this point, you want an EP date. Even drinking two bottles of water will not quench your thirst.