Finals Week Survival Guide

1. Queue up all of your favorite movies and TV shows to keep you company, because Netflix CAN replace human contact.2. Pull all-nighters; it’s scientifically proven that the longer you stay up and the more you cram, the better you’ll perform on tests.3. Have your favorite take-out places on speed dial to increase optimal hermit time in your room as you “do work.” Delete your friends from speed dial because let’s face it, you won’t call them anyways.4. Take advantage of the lack of dress code and wear your pajamas or sweatpants to class. The only people judging you will be the ones who are in dress code, and you’ll be too busy barely passing tests to care.5. It’s also scientifically proven that the more you talk about something, the more knowledgeable you are on the subject, so complaining to your friends about how much work you have is the same as studying for your finals.6. Stay hopeful by remembering that you can sell back (or burn) the books you won’t need at the end of the term.7. Get on the “Red Bull and 5 Hour Energy Diet.” It really works! And by “work,” I mean you will probably die of cardiac arrest.8. Keep your energy up by having small-scale midnight screams every night. It’ll help your floormates stay up too, and they’ll really appreciate it. If midnight is not enough, increase your scream frequency. You can have “breakfast scream,” “lunch scream,” “post-lunch scream,” “afternoon scream,” “tea-time scream,” “dinner scream,” “second-dinner scream,” et cetera.9. Remember to do all of your packing the night before you have the most tests, so you can relax yourself by folding clothes and thinking about dropping out of school to become a maid.