A Disgruntled Upper’s Guide to E/a

This weekend is the much-anticipated Fall Exeter-Andover games. E/a brings a sense of camaraderie and friendly competition to most at Exeter. But, for me, a tired and disgruntled upper, E/a is a time for me to be passive-aggressively annoying. It all starts on Friday, during the E/a Assembly.During the assembly, a rag-tag troupe of spirited seniors known as the “Red Bandits” will come on stage and wholeheartedly try to teach us some cheers to out-spirit Andover. I, however, will be the one sitting in the back row of the Upper’s section with my arms crossed and a scowl on my face. When the Red Bandits yell, “We’ll make your team look like shift,” however, I’ll join the melancholy chorus in shouting an alternative expletive.As for the bonfire, I won’t be there. Who wants to be out in the middle of a field anyway? I will instead be sitting in my room watching Scrubs on Netflix for the fifth time. When one friend or other comes to my room and inevitably begs me to go to the pep rally, I will concede. This is not because of the promise of an ABS performance, as some may assume, but instead in the hope that I may again see the bo staff master we know and love, Kenny Berger Sensei (Dooooooodddeee).Finally, Saturday afternoon I’ll walk to the Cage to consume a mediocre burger, and then continue to the stadium. At the game I will shout “Go Big Red” exactly thirty obligatorys times beginning to “chirp.” Chirping is a new phenomenon for me, but here’s the short version. Step One: Pick a random player on Andover’s football team. Step Two: Find out their personal information from the team roster. Step Three: Use the aforementioned personal information to make personal attacks, therefore lowering self-esteem, and increasing our chances of victory.