Prep Year is Hard, According to Preps

The fall of 2013 will forever go down in the history of the Academy as the most difficult term for a prep class yet. On top of their rigorous Spaz fencing conditioning schedule, the Class of 2017 will even have two Saturday class days this term.On top of it all, they even have to try to pass their classes. With English 110 and Transition 1 Mathematics taking up their reserves, one prep is speaking out. “These classes are rough. How will I find time for my English narrative paragraph when I have to choose an outfit for EP?” she said woefully, her Seventeen magazine nestled in her Biology textbook.The senior statistics class has projected an approximate 40 percent loss of preps before the end of this grueling fall term. Admissions staff articulated the term’s challenges in yet another half-hearted interview. They explained that the reason so many students were admitted into this class was not to help tuition revenues, but to account for the expected drop-outs.“This fall term is the hardest we’ve had yet,” they admitted. “The Admissions Committee guesses that we’ll lose at least 90 of ‘em by the time Thanksgiving comes around. It goes without saying that the Transition 0 Mathematics class will suffer drastic losses.”Preps might as well give up on social lives; with EP stress, whether to grind or not to grind at the next dance, and Prep Posse meetings well underway. Many feel overwhelmed by the amount of pressure being put on them to get through the term with passing grades and make a few friends along the way.“What concerns me most,” Gary added, “is that many colleges expect extracurriculars from students as well. And we simply haven’t given the preps enough time to participate in clubs.”One student, however, was confident with her choices. “Well, I’m already in prep posse. That counts, right? Oh yeah,” she recalled “I even started my own ESSO club tutoring feeble-minded day students and football PGs. I feel like I’m really making a difference.”Many preps, not wanting to hurt their gleaming reputations, gave their quotes anonymously.One said, “From the first dance, I knew being in Dunbar— make sure you spell that with a ‘v’— was going to be a huge part of my identity here, and on top of that, trying to hook up with a lower is all I can afford to worry about. I don’t think I’m even passing Health.”Another student discussed a new discovery on campus, one he’s been too busy to notice in the first half of the term. “I found out there’s this thing called Assembly?”One grumpy alum, seen stalking about the campus with gray mangy hair, seems to be the only one that disagrees. “I’ve been through a prep year where I earned my C’s, and went to class every Saturday.” He observed a group of girls walk past. Scrunching his nose, he said, “We allow their kind here?”The female students kept walking, and one remarked, “I bet he went to public school."