Against Hard Work
Recently I have witnessed an epidemic of massive proportions sweeping through the class of 2014. In the midst of the stress of college applications, the premature nostalgia of senior year, and the desire to take full advantage of the many varied opportunities at Exeter, a disturbing trend has taken hold of my fellow seniors, one that threatens to destroy all that I have (not) worked for these past four years. This dangerous fad is that of hard work.Now for the past three years, I have been a staunch opponent of working hard, both in principal and in practice. Why, you ask? To put it simply, there is nothing that displeases me more than a try-hard: somebody who isn’t excessively naturally gifted, yet somehow manages to dupe teachers into thinking that he or she deserves a high grade, not for results, but for effort.I noticed this growing problem early this fall. Rather than the 30 people who usually attend first format breakfast in Elm Street, there were at least 200. Students were getting out of bed earlier in order to do work and be better prepared for class, something that is, for obvious reasons, completely nonsensical. Students were recognizing the importance of eating a healthy breakfast, even at the expense of those last two snoozes.Furthermore, Grill has been transformed from a loud jungle reminiscent of the Mean Girls watering hole to a relatively quiet gathering of studious teens. Even more alarming are the snippets of conversation I have overheard. No longer is procrastination regarded as a core tenet of Exonian life. It has been replaced by “working ahead.” It is almost as if this year’s students enjoy doing homework.To those of you who ask: why is trying hard bad? I have a response: the try-hard is no different than the cheater. He augments his natural intelligence with hard work, thus duping his peers, his teachers, his parents, and even the colleges he is applying to into thinking that naturally, without over-exerting himself, he could earn that 11.0 GPA. And that is a lie. The try-hard is deceiving all those who are asked to judge his ability. In fact, I would go so far to say that this act of deception, transgression against the Exonian way, and horrific example of an obsession with collegiate and material success is a sin.So, I have a message for all you turncoats, you faux-Exonians out there: I will not try hard, I will not stop procrastinating, and I will not begin my homework before one in the morning, but I swear by my middle part, no matter what you throw at me, I will not fail. My vengeance will be swift and terrible. You may think that academic success, your teachers’ adoration, and an acceptance into the college of your choice is important now, but when I uncloak your true form and show the world what you truly are, the magnitude of your sacrilege will come crashing down upon you and the world will see you for what you truly are—not a beautiful or unique snowflake, but just another mediocre human being made of the same decaying organic material as everyone else.