Cilleyball Etiquette

A couple of days ago, I received an e-mail from Mr. Kenney Chan, the dorm head of Cilley Hall. In the email was a reminder that Friday was Gym Night and another interesting, but highly controversial topic titled “C-ball/Basketball etiquette.”Listed below are the ridiculous rules demanded of the men living in the greatest residence on campus, Cilley Hall. 1. 9am-8pm2. Be respectful of people on paths3. Clean music4. Put the benches back5. Put balls in black basket located in lobby The first rule specifies the times when we are allowed to play, but y’all should know that C-Ball never sleeps. Do you think Michael Jordan or A-rod became professionals at their sport by playing for less than 12 hours a day? I don’t think so, and neither do the people of Cilley Hall. Some students in Cilley Hall even recall a time when a prep Hojung Kim woke up before the sun rose to practice his serve. C-Ball is something in our blood, something that calls us together, and to put a time restriction on that is like putting a cast on Jb Baker. The second rule asks us to “be respectful of people on paths,” but if you ever played C-Ball, you would know that the people passing by are actually part of the game. They have our undivided respect. When we say move out the way or Let!, it’s out of respect, and never out of frustration, annoyance or anger. Third rule. Clean music. I think that it is important to mention that our iPods are washed daily in Holy Water and that the speakers are wiped with Lysol every hour. In fact, our music is so fresh you can smell it through Ziploc bags. The fourth rule: Put the benches back. It is simply a waste of time and energy to move the benches continually from their original position to their positions during a game, so logically I say, Why? Does it matter? Is it a fire hazard? Well, maybe it is, but climbing over them is just a part of natural selection: only the best can survive. The benches will remain as a statement for all the haters. Finally, we are commanded to put the balls in the black basket located in the lobby. Uh... I think that placing balls in baskets is the basketball team’s job, which, by the way, they do extremely well. Mr. Chan, we will not suffer under your dictatorship. Check yourself before you wreck yourself, sir.