The Art of Being Alone

By: Angela Zhang
I wake up and roll out of bed, and depending on how I feel, I’ll get in some of my daily exercise before joining my first class on Zoom. I grab lunch with a friend or two, and with no afternoon classes, I have a couple of hours to sit down, focus, and work on my academic and extracurricular obligations. At dinner, I unwind with friends and share a few laughs over some food. If the weather allows, we go for a walk. If not, we part ways, and I return to my room for an 8 PM class. When that’s over, I finish up my work, go to club meetings, or call with some friends or family. Then I sleep. 

Obviously, not everyday is like this. There are still days where I cannot motivate myself. I lose track of time and self-sabotage my sleep-schedule, not sure if I’m operating within any existing time zone. Chaotic days still happen; everyone has them.

However, I am glad to say that, after the pandemic began, I am regularly having more calm and refreshing days like the one I first described. I find myself at peace more often. Spending more time alone wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. With time, I have come to appreciate the valuable lessons I’ve learned. Through the many hours I’ve spent alone with myself and my thoughts, I’ve learned to prioritize myself and my well-being, valuing my own feelings and decisions above all else. 

I admit I frequently reminisce about many pre-COVID experiences at Exeter. I dearly miss walking to Hannaford with friends late at night, taking the weekend bus to window-shop at the mall, skimming books at the distant Barnes & Noble, and going to school dances for the photos and hors d’oeuvres. Those unique experiences were quintessential of boarding school life, and I often wonder if Exonians, or at least currently enrolled Exonians, will ever be able to have these moments again. 

But the more I think back to those times (which I’ve done frequently during the months of quarantine at home), the more I ask myself if I truly enjoyed myself. While I’m certainly appreciative of the memories I’ve created with friends, I’ve come to realize that wasn’t the authentic me. The pressure of having to please my friends and FOMO (fear of missing out) always lurked in the back of my mind. 

I always hesitated to reject any invitations, even when I knew I would have no time to go on an excursion with friends. At a boarding school where friendships are strengthened by spending more time with one another, I feared I would miss out on opportunities to form bonds if I were to ever decline an invitation. I feared losing my connection, of being easily replaced with someone more available. I feared exclusion. I feared loss. I was too eager to say yes, forgetting to ask myself if these were things I truly wanted or if I was just pleasing others. My mentality was not healthy. I failed to consider my own desires and let my irrational fears guide my decision-making. 

With the immense amount of time I have spent alone in the past few months due to the pandemic, I’ve been forced to be alone with my own thoughts, forced to understand myself. Without having friends to distract me from myself, I had to consider what I wanted for myself.

I had to understand my own desires and value my own emotions. I no longer had anyone to please other than myself. The decisions I made and things I did were intentional, with the sole intent of my own satisfaction. Now that I am back on campus, I am able to fully engage in every moment, entirely because I have improved in my ability to consciously make decisions. I understand my friends are mature enough to be respectful of my decisions, and that I will not lose any friendships simply because I might occasionally prefer to spend time with myself. 

I am not attempting to use the valuable lessons I learned during these times to glorify or romanticize quarantine. I fully acknowledge the hardships it has imposed on people across the world. In fact, I am aware of the negative effects that quarantine and prolonged isolation can have on mental health, considering that mine declined significantly during the first few months. I am incredibly lucky to say that I found a positive aspect during this difficult period within people’s lives. 

Therefore, I sincerely encourage you to focus on your well-being and seek out any support and resources that you may need. I wholeheartedly hope that during the increased time we spend alone during this pandemic, we can see the art of being alone. Being alone is a chance to truly be in touch with yourself. Ask yourself, what is it that I want? What do I want to do with my life today? Go journal, play video games, read a book, watch a movie, listen to music. Go prioritize yourself. Go do these things, so that when we are able to fully come back together as a community, we are stronger individuals, and thus, a stronger community. Take care of yourselves, and take care of each other.