Your First Friend(s) At Exeter
By CARLY CANSECO ‘27 and WILLIAM INOUE ‘27
“To have a roommate is to have a friend.” These were the same words we both heard in one way or another when deciding whether to have a roommate prep year. In some ways, the people were not wrong; our roommates were great friends with us, attending meals and classes together for the first few weeks. Eventually, we all found our groups and hung out less and less, but we enjoyed each other’s company every day after check-in. We would talk while doing homework, sharing videos and moments throughout the day that we thought were funny. Our roommates were our first friends, just like the people who told us that had once predicted. Yet, beyond simple advice and a friend, what makes roommates essential at Exeter?
To a boarder, Phillips Exeter Academy is a home away from home. The four most important years of our teenage lives are spent away from family and in a dorm with forty to fifty other people in similar situations. From an only child to people with numerous siblings, it is inevitable that feelings of loneliness develop as they live away from family. Being an only child, one of the hardest things that entails living away from family is the inability to find strong bonds similar to the ones developed with parents. This is where roommates almost become akin to family; having someone your age or gender live in the same room with you and going through the same things you are going through develops a form of brotherly or sisterly bonds irreplicable elsewhere. The bonds you create in each room transcend friendships and become what we consider family. Speaking from personal experiences, our roommates to us had been a friend, a sibling, and occasionally a parental figure.
Of course, there are cases of “bad” roommate pairs who don’t get along. However, being pushed to live with someone you don’t get along with is a helpful exercise to learn how to compromise. One of a person’s most valuable abilities is coming to a settlement when things don’t go your way. Most successful people would speak fondly about their ability to make adjustments depending on the needs and wants of all the parties involved. Living with a roommate means these exact skills are practiced almost daily. Everyone inevitably has different life habits, from when they do the laundry to when they sleep, having friends over in the room, and even whether they sleep with the windows open. These habits may have been reflected and praised at home, but when living with another person in the same room may prove to be a burden. Learning how to communicate with another person and making minor personal adjustments to reach a middle ground is an invaluable skill that comes with having a roommate. Moreover, learning how to advocate for yourself when issues arise is a crucial skill for everyone. The importance of a roommate goes beyond simple companionship to the realm of social development.
Furthermore, the choice of having a roommate before attending college is an opportunity that not many students worldwide can experience. Our previous schools did not offer boarding as an option, nor did it even cross our minds. However, many colleges force you to share rooms with sometimes one, sometimes up to three other people. It is a hard and most likely exhausting switch to make, especially for children who have lived with their parents their entire lives. This is where Exeter’s roommate system becomes the best option for many. The roommate experience that Exeter allows you to have is a way to prepare you for college, as most will inevitably have a roommate for the first year.
The idea of having a roommate at Exeter is an indispensable experience that provides both a home away from home and lessons on compromising. As the school year is almost halfway through and it is time to consider rooming for next year, please consider these ideas.