Where Does Our Dorm Loyalty Lie?
By WILLIAM INOUE ‘27
To a boarder, dorms are undeniably one of the most important things at Exeter. Your dorm is essentially your home, and the people inside become your family. Your room becomes the one thing at Exeter that you have complete autonomy over and is almost a direct representation of you. It is a small pocket of personality and individuality amidst hundreds of other students. The people in your dorm become your family; the proctors act like brothers or sisters you once had or didn’t have back home. The dorm faculty acts like parental figures, maintaining and managing forty-something teenagers to live harmoniously. In such an academically rigorous environment like Exeter that challenges students but sometimes puts stress on them, dorms become a crucial part of both maintaining their sense of self and connecting with others.
I was in Soule Hall with a roommate in my prep year. I had a great roommate and a wonderful dorm community. Tradition and legacies were carried down throughout the years in the dorm, and the proctors ensured we were familiar with every one of them. I felt integrated into the community, and a sense of family formed within the dorm. Growing up as an only child halfway across the world, Soule Hall was the sense of family I found at school when I first came. However, I decided to switch to Langdell Hall in my lower year as the facilities in Soule Hall were unbearable. This choice raised many eyebrows among my friends and residents of Soule Hall. So, this raises the question: where does this sense of unyielding dorm ‘loyalty’ arise from?
The concept of ‘family’ means something slightly different to each person, but to every person, it is important. Part of the process of coming to boarding school includes leaving your family behind and living on your own. Even if your family lives close by, it is still a shocking change from being able to see your family every day going home from school. Dorms become a family away from your family. This may not be for everyone, but I believe that for most people, there is a shift in loyalty, and the loyalty you gave your parents now shifts to your dorm. Both emotionally and physically, dorms are similar to a family; by logical extension, leaving a dorm is almost equal to leaving your family. To many people, leaving or switching dorms is akin to leaving or betraying your family. You are essentially putting people who cared for you behind in search of a new family. The flaming and backlash arise as people feel hurt, either themselves directly or for others, that the care and sense of community built up was all in vain.
Yet, with that being said, we must remember that nothing, even family, is permanent. People often forget that people change, emotions change, and feelings change. What is once considered of utmost importance may not be equally significant a year later. I chose to move out as I found my priority with a dorm was more than just people. It included more things such as amenities, location, and facilities. Building a family in your dorm is important, but not everyone’s priority is at the same place, and there should be no reason your priority has to be the same as someone else. As the days get warmer and warmer, and dorm switches are coming into people’s minds, I urge you to consider what is most important to you.