The Irony of Non Sibi
By Hannah Park
Non sibi, Latin for “not for oneself,” is a phrase Exonians are very familiar with. It’s inscribed with two other mottos on the Academy’s seal, and on the front page of the official website. About a week ago, the motto was mentioned on the Academy’s Instagram page in a post about the Exonian Student Service Organization (ESSO). Described as “the philosophy that wisdom gained here should be used for others as well as for oneself” on The Academy’s “Mission and Values” page, it’s used by faculty members by habit and is a motto that has been firmly established in students’ minds.
However, non sibi does not correlate with the Academy’s highly competitive and rigorous environment. Personal success is celebrated, and every aspect of the Academy is a breeding ground for jealousy as students strive to out-perform their dorm mates, teammates and classmates. Though some competitiveness is beneficial to self-growth, the tension between students and stress that is fostered from this unhealthy drive to rise above others will only take away from the focus that students need to improve themselves. Even simply helping others takes away precious time from their busy days and only raises the bar that they must surpass to shine.
The Academy needs to back up their proudly long-held motto with real examples of non sibi. False examples, such as ESSO, is not enough: oftentimes, students attend ESSO clubs for another line they can write in their college applications. Personal goal defeats the non sibi element of the volunteer work. I am not asking for a new motto—that is unrealistic. I am simply asking for a change that will allow non sibi to become a sincere motto of the Academy.
“Harkness Warrior” is an expression that my friends and I learned the first week of prep fall. It describes a student who is very aggressive in discussions and doesn’t give others a chance to speak. Usually, a student who starts to become a Harkness Warrior stops when they notice the exasperated looks of their classmates or receives a note from their teacher kindly asking them to allow other students to speak. This was not the case as I neared the end of winter term. My friends and I would constantly complain about how our classes were filled with Harkness Warriors and how discussions felt more like wars. Students would eagerly wait for a classmate to finish talking and jump in right after their last word, stealing the chances of those who were shyer or simply slower in bringing up their point. Discussions would be fast-paced but long pauses would be common, especially after a certain point brought up by another student, as classmates would be less inclined to be as supportive of others. I have never seen or heard of teachers openly discussing this phenomenon within classes. Simply having a protocol that requires teachers to mention Harkness Warriors with the class at the start of every term in prep year would be enough to remind students that being aggressive in discussions does not equal a good grade.
The end of finals did not bring relief for most. There was now the awful waiting game of checking Outlook constantly for the email announcing that grades were out. On March 23, the email was sent. My friends and I immediately whipped out our phones and into LionLinks. Seeing my grade was a relief. I had done better than I had expected, and the first thing I wanted to do was tell everyone else. I’m ashamed to say that as others told me of their grades, I was happy to hear that they received a lower grade than me or immediately jealous when I heard of those who did better. I noticed false enthusiasm and sympathy from others as well.
The heavy pressure of earning As and having an above-average GPA is a prime example of personal achievement. Grades will always be a part of academia and is a great motivator for students. However, it should not be a source of resentment against other students. There must be increased attention to the learning experience in classes as opposed to the grade. More emphasis on improvement rather than a “final” grading would be an effective step. This could be implemented by clear, simple expectations of what the teacher’s goal is in the class and multiple chances to retake assessments. The continuous use of rubrics is also helpful, as they allow students to receive a grade that they expect, and puts less pressure on waiting for them.
Grades are only a fraction of the stress that an Exonian experiences at their time at the Academy. Leadership roles are present in almost every aspect of the Academy, and there is a well-known understanding that leadership enhances college applications. During the past election process in choosing class representatives, I had multiple concerning conversations with candidates who confessed to me that they did not really want the responsibility of becoming a lower rep. Though this may be obvious, representative candidates should hold a genuine desire to serve their class. To assure this, there should be rules that require them to follow-up on their campaigns or chances for the student body to re-elect a representative if they don’t seem to do their job properly.
Along with Student Council elections, there are chances to vote for dorm proctors, club co-heads, sport captains, and more. Track and Field elections for captains happened around a week ago. It was the rare occasion in that I could see many candidates becoming a genuine leader of the team. Still, my friends and I would be skeptical as upperclassmen would suddenly be more outgoing to the underclassmen. We become naturally doubtful of those who run for a leadership role as we all understand the label’s charm. The fact that it has been so normalized to believe that someone who runs for a leadership role has ulterior motives is a problem. “Winning” the title of a leader in any environment should only be one percent of the role. Similarly to my student council election proposal before, the leaders should be held accountable for who they represent and responsibility should be a large factor of their role.
On May 5, 2020, there was a post on the Academy’s website called “How a non sibi network delivered 80,000 face masks.” It described how Exeter alum Lisa Cloitre and other fellow alumni delivered face masks to many hospitals in New York City. Though this is a great example of an act of selflessness, it doesn’t explain how Cloitre’s years at the Academy contributed to her generosity. It is not an example of non sibi on campus, but one years after an Exonian graduated from the Academy.
One may argue that the Harkness method allows students to learn to collaborate and build a non sibi mindset for the future. If so, why is “Harkness Warrior” such a common term? Only rarely do I see students with a genuine non sibi mindset–oftentimes, every extracurricular, collaboration, and work they do is for their own self-interest, and not with the intent of helping others.
I am not ignoring the fact that the Academy prepares us well for the real world. The average senior is comparably more wise and mentally stronger than the average prep. Exonians are oftentimes welcoming, and acceptance of others is highly valued. However, non sibi is not the correct descriptor of the current environment that the Academy holds. It is an admirable philosophy, and I hope to see changes that will allow it to become a more accurate mindset amongst Exonians.
