Surviving the College Admissions Hunger Games: A Call for Transparency and Sweatshirts
By ADELE MAMEDOVA ‘25
I would’ve never thought that inquiring about college applications could be met with such alarm. This fall, as a newcomer to Exeter, I casually asked a senior about their early decision plans. I didn’t think much of it. In response, I received a look of disbelief, as if I had just confessed to committing back-to-back felonies, or asked an old dame for her age. At previous schools that I’d been to, from British International to suburban private, another boarding school, and a public high school (call me Mr. Worldwide) – there was no negative stigma around curiosity about the college admissions process. However, since I’ve arrived here, the atmosphere has been different; people seem more closed off and anxious about sharing “too much.” There’s an unmistakable air of secrecy. Details about where everyone is applying, what programs they’re considering, and the strategies they’re employing are a mystery. This culture of secrecy not only leaves many of us in the dark as we approach our college application journey but also contributes to the already competitive environment at Exeter. At Exeter, I’ve felt the presence of an unspoken rule against wearing college sweatshirts or creating Instagram pages for college decisions. A recent Exeter Compliments post reads: “Exeter’s culture of secrecy/awkwardness around college admissions…just encourages the undue, frenzied emphasis we put on college prestige + makes the college decisions process seem mythicized/less normal.” This “awkwardness” is not completely unwarranted; there is an underlying fear that someone might be tracking and disseminating information about early decision and regular decision outcomes, as a spreadsheet of this sort has been made in the past. Yet this secretive atmosphere, a systemic characteristic of Exeter and reflective of other top prep schools across the country, exacerbates the already intense competition and mystique associated with the college application process.
To truly embody Exeter’s values and the spirit of non sibi, I believe we should build a more open and supportive community. Instead of being afraid, judgemental, or overly sensitive, sharing our experiences throughout this difficult process, from college choices to essays, could create a healthier and more collaborative environment. This transparency can help not only to demystify the process, making it less stressful and more approachable but also help us have healthy relationships amongst each other. The fear of someone misusing this shared information is not unfounded. Yet, by letting fear govern our actions, we’re perpetuating a cycle of competition and stress. The question then becomes: how can we balance openness with privacy and support with competition?
Honestly, if we just take a step back and look at the bigger picture, we spend a maximum of four years of our lives studying at Exeter. High school is just a fraction of our lives. Life expectancy is always increasing, so if we’re being optimistic, we still have around eighty years to live our lives. By placing disproportionate emphasis on the period that is 1/20 of our life, we grant excessive power to colleges in shaping our self-worth and future. If we start viewing this phase as just one step in a much longer journey, we might be able to reduce pressure and focus on personal growth and learning.
I sound all didactic, but I confess, I’m not immune to this competitive culture. My friends and I have created a “hit list” of potential competitors in our grade (I promise we’re just joking, and if you’re on the list you should actually be very proud of all your accomplishments. But if you see any Exonians go missing, don’t ask me about it.) One of my favorite pastimes has been stalking LinkedIn profiles. I didn’t even know people still use LinkedIn before I got to Exeter this year. My point is, this behavior, mine, as well as many others’, is not healthy, and is symptomatic of the broader issue: a zero-sum mindset where someone else’s success is seen as a threat to our own. I want to celebrate and cheer on my classmates, not view their success as a harbinger of my own failure. In 2024, I resolve to shift my perspective.
Exeter has always been a place of excellence and high standards, so it’s crucial, if only for our own sanity, that we don’t let these standards breed a toxic environment. I wish for us to foster an environment where students can support each other in the college application journey. Let’s strive for a culture where we uplift each other, share our burdens, and remember that our worth isn’t defined by the college we attend, but by the kind of people we choose to be. And let me wear my UChicago sweatshirt.
