Perks of Being a Wallflower
By GRACE YANG ‘27
Harkness Wallflower: Typically hangs back and lets others take the lead. Well-honed listening skills. When coaxed (typically by instructor) to contribute, can often produce an insight no one else has thought of.
A close friend of mine often describes his Harkness Wallflower behavior as “Batman.” A proud smirk hangs on his face as he recounts every reaction of his classmates and instructor after his contributions.
Wallflowers evoke the image of a warm-colored field of flowers — radiant yet understated — mirroring the shyness and awkwardness of those who tend to stay on the sidelines. “I’ve achieved the ultimate stage of participating in Harkness,” this friend often says. With restrained and precise word choices, he crafts concise yet powerful arguments that blossom at the table. Wallflowers possess the ability to radiate charisma and command attention, drawing in listeners as their insights trickle out.
I’ve found myself slowly adapting this technique. I sit back and attentively listen while silently reciting a prepared argument in my mind, waiting for my best shot to impress the class. The internal dialogue often feels like an entire Harkness discussion by itself — isn’t this a form of self-torture to digest unheard ideas? Others’ arguments are hummed, slowly muted into silence, and elongated. The pause allows me to embody a Wallflower, diving into the realms of reflection.
I’ve figured the majority of my friends fall in the category of Harkness Wallflowers. They tend to zone out during discussions yet somehow dominate the conversation with a striking argument. Though they may seem indifferent to participating, they are often viewed as the most influential voices in the classroom. Their arguments blend rational configurations with human empathy, making their offerings lively and relatable like storytelling.
The warmth of their petals seems to be derived from the depth of their experiences: lighthearted, traumatic, reflective, emotional, and aspirational. Numerous stories shape their public personas, somehow concealing their authenticity with layers of mistakes, lessons, and experiences. Personally, I believe that decoding a Wallflower may incorporate the conspiracy of destiny; they seem to ‘pick’ their Prince Charmings through quiet observations. You will never be able to see their vulnerable side as they shut you out with rigid barriers of caution. Paradoxically, Wallflowers present their vulnerability to reassure and validate others’ emotions. But their ‘vulnerability’ almost seems like a facade — a gem that’s no longer valuable — as they bury their true insecurities. Maybe they are like Batman, evoking feelings of mystery and unpredictability, sometimes even being a bit intimidating.
But I find Wallflowers the easiest to talk to. Just like their petals, their presence feels like a mug of honey water in the cold winter. They are willing to pause and listen to your concerns, alleviating your insecurities and offering heartfelt advice. They relate to your concerns by telling stories. Hearing their stories feels so intimate as if they’re taking your hand and guiding you through the realms of their thoughts. It truly feels rewarding once you’ve unlocked more stories of a Wallflower.
Finding a Wallflower can feel like chasing after a coin you accidentally dropped. In fact, I met my Wallflower friends by chasing them out of classrooms. They feel ambiguous and almost elusive as individuals. They may never appear unless you reach out to them, but they’ll always offer a hand when you need support. Wallflowers live in the creases of walls, of rigid structures, standards, and norms. They’re so significant because of the vivid color they bring in contrast to their environment. Wallflowers are so valued at Harkness tables due to their unique arguments. Wallflowers are so cherished in life because of their sympathy and advice. But they’re never meant to stay. I don’t think Wallflowers could be perceived as the person you’ll always see at Elm, nor the friend you’ll find sitting at Grill. They’re scattered; coffee shops in town, in the church’s basement, or in the nooks of the library. The sophistication of Wallflowers stems from their self-awareness, which is fueled by the extended silence they maintain. They embody the philosophy of “If you love a flower, don’t pick it up,” as their beauty lies in being observed from a respectful distance. While I grieve over the fact I’m unable to be my Wallflower friends’ partner in crime, I never regret chasing after them from a Harkness discussion. Even when they drift away, their influence lingers, leaving a lasting impression on those who appreciate their quiet yet transformative contributions.
Chase after your Wallflowers.