Grocery Shopping
By Audrey Yin
Last term, I attended Giovanna Romero's senior meditation (which absolutely blew my mind). She talked about her love for grocery shopping and tied simple things like food aisles and snacks to the racism and sexism she faced in her personal life. I resonated with her piece––grocery shopping has been my favorite hobby ever since I was a kid. My firm grip on the handlebar of the grocery cart always made me feel powerful, like a race-car driver of sorts. My fondest memories include zooming down the epoxy-coated pathways, heels sporadically lifting off of the ground, shoving armfuls of chips, cup noodles and other junk into my bin.
Recently, politicians on the news, like Governor Andrew Cuomo of New York, have advised people to stay home, with the exception of a few essential activities (an example of which is grocery shopping). It's strange—I was initially filled with joy at the thought of still being able to indulge in my favorite pastime. However, my greatest love has quickly turned into my greatest fear.
A few weeks ago, my mom and I needed to restock our fridge, so we walked down to the closest Morton Williams while wearing our trusty masks. During our 45-minute journey of buying groceries, we were verbally assaulted on three separate occasions.
The first occurred while we were attempting to cross the street. A bug-eyed man on a bike slowed down his pedaling and screamed into my face, “Chinese Virus!” After that, we were hit with a flurry of racial slurs. People laughed and stared, and some even fled the scene, refusing to breathe the same air as us. Even with a mask on, my eyes—two slender almonds indented with the smallest of eyelids—were still able to give me away. In that moment, I loathed them.
The whole situation flared up an insecurity I tried to bury a long time ago: a deep shame of my race. It saddens and disappoints me to see a crack in the pride I've slowly built up at Exeter. Now, my mom and I constantly bicker about why I don’t want to leave the house. I tell her it’s because of my workload or that I am tired.
But the truth is that I am scared to go outside. I am scared to go on a walk. I am scared to go to the grocery store.
I’ve tried to stray away from being emotional because I fear not being taken seriously. But my emotions are serious. My mom and I were lucky to have only dealt with verbal attacks. I cannot describe the pain I have felt while watching video after video of Asian people suffering physical abuse while doing something as simple as walking down the street or sitting on the New York subway. It is incredibly difficult to go on social media and view comments wishing sickness or even death upon Chinese people, claiming that our supposed eating habits are enough justification for blatant racism and hatred.
News flash: those videos you see of “disgusting Chinese wet markets” filled with exotic meats and beloved household pets are not representative of the diets or lifestyles of a good majority of Chinese people.
Too often is racism against Asian people dismissed as a lighthearted joke. It is real, it is systematic and it is a growing problem in America today. We have a President who does not condemn the use of the terms “China Virus” or “Kung Flu.” We have Chinese restaurants going out of business. We have a surge in Asian-American related hate crimes.
Where is the compassion? This is a difficult situation for everyone, so it’s easy to fall into a panic and try to pin blame. But being blinded by irrational fear is not productive. We should be focused on being responsible citizens by staying healthy and safe in self quarantine, taking care of ourselves and the ones we love.
I feel very lucky to have found some consolation with my family and Asian friends. I have faith that things will get better, but that requires people to avoid being complicit. If you are not of Asian descent, I urge you to be an ally. Stand up and speak out. Do not allow for people to bask in their ignorance. It truly warms my heart to see people already taking action––know that I appreciate you. To my fellow Asians, I feel for you and am sending my love.This is a crack, but we will not shatter.