A Prep’s Perspective on Sexual Assault at Exeter

Sexual misconduct. It’s been a hot topic lately here at PEA, reflected in the numerous Exonian editorials, passionate or perhaps cautious everyday conversation, as well as the posters about consent I’ve seen tacked on several bulletin boards around the campus.This article is yet another student voice speaking up about her thoughts on the prevailing issue—this time, a prep at the very beginning of her PEA journey who has, in truth, spent far more time envisioning the Exeter community than actually being a part of it.The email I received one sweltering July evening was, in a way, an utterly alarming wake-up call. Not to suggest this news was any less distressing for the rest of PEA, but for a very optimistic recent middle school grad, “A Message from Exeter” that included a link to the Boston Globe article about sexual assault at her soon-to-be second home was, in simple terms, frightening. I lacked the foundation of trust and understanding that returning students had already established with the faculty, students and the Academy itself.Despite having gone through the extensive admissions process during which I was exposed to numerous positive accounts of life at Exeter, these experiences and opinions were not my own. As a native South Korean who, despite three years in the U.S., was still a foreigner to its culture, and as an only child who had no siblings to turn to for knowledgeable advice about boarding school (or even high school, as a matter of fact), I was helpless and shamelessly gullible, and I gratefully soaked up any and all morsels of information I could find about my new home.

My response to the article was no different. My outlook on Exeter was already a fragile balance between “anticipation and terror,” as Principal MacFarlane precisely articulated during her speech at Assembly, and an article that thoroughly vilified the PEA administration and support system did admittedly tip the scale the wrong way.

I’m talking about non sibi—a mindset that everyone here is taught, but to a degree, already seems to share.

But I’ve been here for just about three weeks now, during which my faith in the Academy has only grown. The trust and reassurance I’ve obtained simply by observing the PEA community on a daily basis far outweighs any confidence I could possibly have gained from the numerous emails I received over the summer, the page on Exeter’s website about the school’s policies and procedures or even the new revisions in the E-Book. I am now positive that I’m in safe hands here, and while I know there is still a long road ahead, it seems to me that we are on an impressive highway when it comes to change. And it’s all thanks to the activists I’ve decided to store my faith in: the students.

The short time I’ve been at PEA has been enough for me to appreciate just how much love and respect the students here have for our school. I’ve learned that one thing Exeter does not lack is school spirit, and I’m not just talking about the typical rah- rah pep that, in this case, compelled the entire student body to make loud hissing noises every time Andover was mentioned at the Opening of School Assembly (which, by the way, was to the utter bewilderment of this terrified prep). I’m talking about spirit as in non sibi—a mindset that everyone here is taught, but to a degree, already seems to share.I saw spirit in the way one of the uppers in my advisory animatedly told us about the missions and plans of Exonians Against Sexual Assault (EASA), a new student-run advocacy group for which she is a board member this year. I saw spirit at the Harkness table of my health class where we discussed our responsibilities not only as Exonians, but as people: to give back to others and contribute to the greater community. And I see spirit every day in my peers—all determined scholars with a multitude of passions and talents, but above all, an admirable collective drive to spark positive change.While it seems near impossible to excavate the whole truth from past events, we know regardless that there have been mistakes made at Exeter when it comes to sex. But as a new member of this community, I can say that I’m proud to be an Exonian. It feels great to stand alongside a thousand other community members with the common purpose of building a better, stronger and safer Exeter.