Realizing I’m White
I did not understand my privilege until I came to Exeter. Like many Exonians, I was brought up in a predominantly white, rich and suburban community. In nine years of schooling, I had exactly one African American classmate. I was brought up in a community that made my privilege seem like the norm because there was no racial oppression for me to compare it to. My community did not make me face injustice, and it did not give any kind of opportunity to even begin to observe racial inequity. Before Exeter, I did not understand that African Americans face oppression that stems from institutionalized racism directly related to this country being built on black slavery and white superiority. Before Exeter, I did not understand my privilege because I did not have to.
I think when I came to Exeter I barely had a surface level understanding of how my race alone gave me an advantage in the United States—this went hand in hand with my lack of understanding of Exeter’s MLK Day celebrations. My primitive understanding of MLK Day was that it was to appreciate how far the United States had come from the Civil Rights era, for all of us to come together and celebrate the work of many, including Martin Luther King Jr., towards equality. Of course to some degree this is true. However, I think that this primitive understanding of MLK day allowed me to believe that complete equality existed between the races.
On Aug. 9, 2014, the summer following my freshman year, an unarmed African American teenager named Michael Brown was shot and killed by a white police officer in Ferguson, Missouri. This shooting not only sparked protest in Ferguson, but it also brought the ongoing and ever-present issue of police violence based on racial discrimination to the mainstream media as well as to my immediate attention. When I looked into this apparently rampant issue that I never knew about, I was absolutely horrified as to what I found. I began to closely follow the reports of police shootings and excessive violence that continued to come to light in the coming year. More than 450 people were killed at the hands of the police in the few months left in 2014 following Mike Brown’s death. These deaths, I found out, were extremely race-dependent. Black men make up a little more than 5 percent of the United States population but accounted for about 40 percent of all the unarmed men who were killed by the police in 2015. Ferguson and instances alike were a tangible and immediate materialization of the institutionalized racism that I didn’t even know existed.
When I began to understand how racism manifested itself in modern day America, everything in my life began to change. I started recognizing injustices, and my privilege based on skin color began to make sense. I was uncomfortable with the number of African Americans and other racial minorities being killed by the police everyday, and I was now able to recognize how privileged I was to feel uncomfortable and not to fear for my life—my whiteness protected me from becoming a part of that number. I began to understand my privilege and the fact that I only had that privilege because of the color of my skin.
On MLK Day, Darby Henry ’13, as a member of the “At the Crossroads” panel spoke about how it took her a while to realize she was black. It took her a while to appreciate and understand how her skin color affected her experiences and why she should not only begin to address these differences but also to be proud of her skin color. Being at Exeter as well as observing the nationwide slew of racial injustices allowed me to realize that I am white. I am white, and I benefit to some degree solely because of my whiteness. I will never understand what it is like to be spoken to by my parents about how I may be looked at differently because of my race, much less to actually be looked at differently. I will never understand what it is like to have to keep my hands visible and face calm when walking by police officers for fear of looking like a threat. I will never understand what it is like to be scared to hold a toy gun, fearing that I will be shot dead by police officers because to them, my 12-year-old black body looked like that of a man. I will never understand any of this, all because of my whiteness.
MLK Day is not only for minorities, it is not only for Exonians who actively feel discrimination based on race. MLK Day is an opportunity for white students at Exeter to understand how they benefit from their race, to understand their privilege and to realize they are white. It is easy, it is necessary and yes, it is slightly disheartening to understand that you truly do benefit just because you were born white and that conversely, your peers face discrimination because they were not.