Reforming Our Vs Policy
After the recent rape case at St. Paul’s, a much-needed (and still ongoing) discussion between the administration and the students at Exeter sparked the topic of sexual intimacy and Exeter’s hookup culture. Many Exonians have voiced complaints about the way the Academy treats sexual activities as “prohibited” and “bad,” despite the fact that sexual experimentation is a crucial part of personal growth—an experience that Exeter encourages. When sexual intimacy is not being frowned upon, it is often thrown under a blanket of ignorance by the Academy. With the visitations (Vs) policy, sexual activity is only furthered as negative and “against the rules.”
The current Vs policy states that the two individuals who are getting Vs must have the door halfway open, the lights on and three feet on the floor at all times. The school promotes safe sex with condoms at the health center, a year of required health classes for preps and new lowers and a recent mandatory health class for seniors once a week in the spring to help educate Exonians on safe sex. Despite all of thees precautions, there is still no real way for two people, who are of legal age, to have safe, consensual sex. This inability for two people to have intimacy during visitations due to the guidelines leads teenagers to choose to have illegal Vs. Not only is this breaking the school rules, but it also can lead to uncomfortable situations and even situations without consent. One may not have the ability to leave someone’s room during illegal Vs because of the disciplinary consequences, even if the person is not willing to proceed.
While problematic, some sort of policy that governs sexual activity should be in place. There is no perfect “one size fits all” solution, but students can take measures to ameliorate these problems. Consensual sex between Exonians 16 years and above (the legal age) should be allowed in a place where they both feel safe. The current Vs policy leaves students who do not want to get regular Vs to break the rules. A revised Vs policy that would include the ability to dim the lights or have a closed door would prevent awkward and potentially harmful situations, when a student who is uncomfortable with breaking the rules is forced to remain inside the room to avoid being caught. The furtiveness of illegal Vs makes it problematic for victims of sexual assault to come forward, as their statements would be met with an onslaught of “you shouldn’t have gotten illegal Vs in the first place.” With such reformed Vs policies, it would be easier for those who feel uncomfortable in sexual encounters or those who have been coerced to come forward.
The current Vs policy alienates sex and labels it as “bad,” making it impossible for Exonians to seek a safe place to engage in sexual activities without getting in trouble. Exeter’s hookup culture only exacerbates the atmosphere that places pressure on members of both sexes (and all those in between) to “hook up” with people. This leads to negative connotations associated with sexual activity.The Exeter hookup climate and culture is one that is puzzling, since teenagers’ experiments with it are recognized by the students and by the health department, but because of the rules regarding it, it’s as if the school chooses to ignore the fact that teenagers engage in sexual activity. And within the student body, one of the main issues is the willingness to hookup with people but not be involved in a serious relationship, (though this could also be due to the time constraints imposed by our workload).
We have made progress with the education on consent and the posters of “asking to dance” first. Hopefully, Exeter will strive to relieve the current stigma surrounding sexual activities and better the sexual climate on campus.