Changing Our Sexual Climate

Two weekends ago, the Feminist Union held a forum called SEXeter, regarding the sexual climate and “hook up culture” on campus. Although it can certainly be uncomfortable, discussing the negative aspects of our sexual culture is entirely necessary to protect members of our community. However, the people who really need to hear discussion like that at the forum, i.e. the people who create a harmful sexual climate on campus, aren’t the people who would voluntarily attend this sort of discussion.

Having a “hookup culture” isn’t necessarily a bad thing. There’s nothing wrong with expressing sexuality, whether that’s through long term relationships or short term “hook ups.” In my time so far at Exeter, however, I have seen how the typical harmful aspects of teenage sexual culture have been magnified by our environment and how it has allowed for other harmful sexual behaviour. An example of this is how preps act. As a prep and now as a lower I have seen and continue to see older students targeting preps. Time and time again, I’ve heard older students saying things such as how they wanted to “go for the preps because they’re easy” and how they were “only going to Back in Black for the preps.” This kind of sexual targeting of preps by older students certainly isn’t systematic like the Senior Salute at St. Paul’s to the best of my knowledge, but it still exists as a cultural phenomenon and is still disturbing. Older students targeting preps is particularly distressing. At this point in our lives, an age difference of a year or two can translate into a huge difference in maturity. That, along with the confusion which surrounds prep year, results in a power dynamic that places the older student in a higher position. This results in vulnerability, especially for a prep who might think their social standing will take a hit if they don’t “hook up” with someone or who hasn’t figured out the complexities of Exeter sexual culture. Moving to Exeter is an incredibly overwhelming experience and for many new students, especially preps who are also new to high school, this translates to a need for companionship and validation. The fact that some people on campus take advantage of this vulnerability and confusion is disgusting.

Hurtful language is also unfortunately common in our sexual culture. This language tends to be unfairly skewed against girls. Girls who are more sexually active are shamed, called “slut,” “easy” and “used goods,” while boys are “legends” and they “slay.” Our insular community magnifies this problem. Since the majority of students live in such close proximity to each other, it’s hard to maintain privacy and people’s reputations are easily altered and affected by their sexual activity. Someone can go from being a “nice girl” to “sloppy seconds” in a day. The language used by some people on campus regarding sexuality can be problematic in many other ways. I’ve heard people be reduced down to numbers, be spoken about like animals to hunt or objects to take, jokingly and seriously. I have faith that most people on campus see that that kind of behaviour is unacceptable, but in situations where other people, especially older people, are using offensive, derogatory language, it can be easy to assume that because something is “normal,” it’s okay. Both of these issues are widespread in the world, making it easier for people to hide behind the excuse of normalcy. Normal or not, we’re all human and deserve to be treated as such regardless of whether we’re sexually active or not.

To be clear, the majority of people on this campus are considerate and able to deal with their sexuality in positive ways, and the problems that are on this campus regarding teenage sexuality are not unique to us. Most older students on this campus don’t take advantage of preps. There are plenty of people who can talk about each other respectfully. Both of these issues aren’t unique to Exeter. The negative aspects of our sexual climate are still serious and must be confronted. Having the opportunity to discuss these issues through forums like the SEXeter forum are instrumental in addressing these problems, but the students who stand to learn the most from these discussions are the students who would never attend forums like that one. These discussions must be held with everyone on campus. To foster a healthy sexual environment on campus, all people involved must understand exactly what that means. Holding mandatory discussions through assemblies and workshops invites people to not take it seriously. Campaigns such as the one encouraging students to ask before grinding at Back in Black are successful because they aren’t accusatory, are simple—hard to ignore and thought-provoking. In a StuCo meeting last week, Dr. MacFarlane said that cultural change can’t be sparked through a change in rules or by administration forcing students to do anything. Individual students must take initiative on their own to call our disturbing behaviour and incite discussion. ♥