Good Will Doesn’t Matter
In his article “Disagreement in Good Will,” Thomas Clark ’14 discussed what he called an “artificial consensus” on the issue of same-sex marriage at Exeter. He believes that many “are made to conform to the dominant viewpoint.” In a word, “When a place of learning cannot tolerate even respectful, non-provocative expression that goes against the grain of the majority opinion, it makes me deeply concerned for Exeter’s future as an elite academic institution.”
“Many of us cannot look at this as just another issue. I cannot look at this as just another issue.”
Last year, I gave a speech at the GSA (formerly Gay Straight Alliance, currently Gender and Sexuality Alliance) Assembly in which I urged my peers to be “tolerant of intolerance.” I stand by everything I said on that morning, and I still believe that it is important to remember the humanity behind those with different opinions than your own. Even when those opinions are hurtful, oppressive and marginalizing, the ideal state of intellectual pureness is of calmness, of compassion and of remaining removed from the rageful emotions that these uncomfortable conversations often ignite. It is in this state of stillness that I believe we can understand each other most truthfully.
Nonetheless, we cannot forget that certain “political debates” are not solely political. To remain emotionally removed when discussing the esoteric details of the culture of a long-dead tribe that existed thousands of years ago… is easy. To remain emotionally removed when wading through the difficult waters of Shakespeare or Nabokov…is easy. To remain emotionally removed when discussing same-sex marriage as a straight person…is easy. It is easy when you have nothing at stake. It is even easier when you are not receptive to the pain you see in those who are affected by their rights being turned into a debate.
I know that those against same sex marriage do not see it that way. I know that they think it is more complex than that, more complex than “rights talk.” And in many ways, it is. But they cannot, must not expect those who have faced an injustice to be “open-minded” in the name of intellectual purity. And by they, I mean all of us—everyone who has ever forgotten, myself included, that, too often, the personal is political.
As I said in my speech last spring, we are all human. Moreover, we are not just intellectual beings. And while Thomas Clark may have felt intellectually uncomfortable on this campus because of his fringe views on same sex marriage, many of us feel personally uncomfortable because of the implications of those views and of the violence that similar ideas can perpetuate. Many of us cannot look at this as just another issue. I cannot look at this as just another issue. While I do not think that my opinion makes me anymore human than those who think differently, this understanding brings me no relief from the sadness, anger and pain that I often feel as one of the world’s “others.” While I know that many gay rights opponents are immensely kind and intelligent people, this understanding does not allow me to marry the girl of my dreams, nor does it allow my best friend to do the same. My empathy simply does not change the fact that these are our lives here.
I do hope that we—as an institution—continue to move towards more open dialogue. But I also hope that we learn to grapple with the consequences of having difficult discussions. I hope that we learn to understand that despite how flat the Harkness table appears to be, we will never truly have equal footing in every conversation. We will never discuss gay rights without context; we will never discuss race without context; we will never discuss gender without context; and so on and so forth.
So let’s have these conversations. I want to. Actually, I do not want to; I wish that we did not live in a world where my rights were up for debate, but we do, and so my only option is to do my best at engaging in said debate. But as Bryan Stevenson said on MLK Day, let us not lack proximity. Without proximity, we miss the important things. Without understanding the pain that exists in the hearts of those who are enraged by opposition to same-sex marriage, we miss each other’s humanity.
Good will does not matter and does no good when it exists with the expectation that is, unfortunately, as old as time: the oppressed will always have to be nobler. ♥