The Insider vs. the Inside

There is no fixed Exeter experience because, simply speaking, we all cultivate different relationships and preserve different lessons from our times at the Academy. A common thread that seems to weave through the student body, however, is that most of us feel duality in our perspectives on Exeter. These mixed feelings feature the parts we love, like the sweet nostalgia for our close friendships and the pride in both our academic and personal milestones. The less fuzzy components include anything from the late night breakdowns to our mounting stresses over the years.The plurality in even our individual experiences is integral to our definitions of Exeter, but the darker side often seems to be swept aside when it seems too inconvenient. A timely example is none other than this past Tuesday’s Business Insider article, "What It’s Like to Attend the Best Boarding School in America." The piece, which accumulated a large tally of Facebook shares that evening, aimed to chronicle "a day in the life" of a student at Phillips Exeter Academy. Polished with crisp pictures of Exonians behind deep red leaves and familiar Harkness tables, the article also included statistics that boasted the Academy's rich history, resources and alumni.The article spoke from a sadly narrow lens and only capitalized on the brighter side of our Exeter existences. Granted, this was a singular article on a constantly updated news source: I wasn’t expecting Business Insider to psychoanalyze a series of Exonian experiences in great detail, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that the article fell short of its stated objective. I can’t help but feel cheated by the promise the article set out to deliver: to truly break down "a day in our lives."To quote the author, Melia Robinson: "Before arriving on campus, I imagined the quintessential boarding school stereotype — Vineyard Vines-wearing, silver spoon-fed teenagers crumbling under academic pressure, bragging about their college acceptances, and sneaking off into the woods to get high. But I spent the day as a student in 'the bubble,' as students call the Exeter community, and it was nothing like I expected."Each item in the series mentioned obviously does not apply to every Exonian, but it is beyond naive to completely write off the existence of these stereotypes altogether, especially after spending just one day at our school.Our daily lives are not as shiny and happy as the article superficially depicts. Where are the pictures of empty Friday nights in grill, let alone the 3AM meltdowns over history papers and AP-level science exams, to say the very least?To be clear, I remain very mindful that I would be a vastly different person had I attended any other high school, and I am thankful for all that Exeter has afforded me both directly and indirectly. These experiences, both bright and dark, have shaped my life and perspective. I consider myself proud to be an Exonian (you may have seen me yelling in bright red from below the Andover stands last Saturday), but I want to make it even clearer that school pride isn’t synonymous with blind endoresement of the Academy’s activity.I can certainly say this of myself, and I’m sure others, too, that whenever I express criticism of the school, it’s with the intent of trying to bring about change that will honestly better the Academy. There are flaws here, and they need to be recognized so that we can address them in hopes to improve the school for future generations. If we are going to follow the logic of being the "best," then we can’t compare ourselves to others; we must rather consider self-improvement and do so seriously. Not every proposed idea is possible and not every suggested change is appropriate, but in the name of Harkness and free discussion, we need to talk about them. Over the course of the past couple decades, conversations like these have resulted in coeducation, fewer Saturday classes, and 24/7 Internet.The flaws in our Exeter community aren’t going to make the headlines of an article that is trying to make us sound like the opposite of the stereotypes listed in the quote above. Thus, these issues may not cross the minds of the random individuals who choose to skim the article on Business Insider during late night scrolls or over their morning coffee, but we Exonians still face a daily reality that includes them. And to bring light to these issues in hope of change, it takes "free speech," "dissent," and the like. Discussing these issues and possible solutions may be inconvenient in the moment, but if Exeter really is the best, then it’s this school’s role to take up the challenge of reflecting and evolving for the long-term benefits our students. Arbitrarily being the "best" today doesn’t mean much for our school’s legacy if we can’t adapt to the needs of future concerns.At the end of the day, our school is an institution with a reputation, and how the media portrays it in some article is not under our control. But it’s still our responsibility to fight the urge of being swept away with a title that does little more than feed our egos and Facebooks for a few days. The article did genuinely touch on the power of Harkness and a couple other special facets of Exeter, but it ultimately put the school in a fun light at the expense of dismissing a great fraction of what defines our daily Exeter realities. These omissions might be convenient for a news article online, but that does not give anyone within our community the license to ignore or excuse the issues that we face firsthand. We can thank and care for what our school has given us, and we can love and show pride in it. Yet we must remain sharply aware that criticism, contemplation and change are the real proponents that will help the Academy sort through the challenges it faces in the current day in order to solidify a stronger foundation for the "best" Exeter can create for those of us on the inside.