Disrespect at Exeter

E-Format English starts for me at a drowsy point in the day—right after lunch, after a morning of classes and as the day’s dosage of caffeine just begins to wear off. Today’s class, however, instead of beginning with the usual unraveling of Iago’s brilliant plan to mess up Othello’s life, kicked off with a small discussion on the day’s assembly. Stewart Lyons, a remarkably talented producer who seemed to be part of the brainchild behind television’s hit series "Breaking Bad," had given an assembly earlier in the day. Discussion of his talk found its way into the classroom, with some commenting on the virtues in his speech on failure. It proceeded like that until I heard a voice talking about the respect the students showed towards him."Exeter students are some of the most disrespectful I have ever seen."I turned my head to see the comment come from my English teacher. There was a moment of silence until other students began to comment similarly. One student bitterly recalled the time she told other students giggling in front of her to shut up. Another remarked about the group of students sitting at the back of the assembly hall on the first floor who were, and currently still are, apparently notorious for incessant noise-making.Whether or not my English classmates really felt this way or were commenting for the sake of concurring with my teacher I cannot say. But what I can say, and what I believe most students can agree upon, is that we treat the assembly speakers with a rather great deal of disrespect. It’s certainly not a rare occurrence to see a student texting on his/her phone while the speaker is talking or making snide remarks in the form of the ever-so elusive whisper followed by a bout of giggling. Assembly speakers, with their audience in context, try to make their deliveries relatively humorous—but I more often than not hear rampant laughter when no joke was ever presented and no punchline was ever given.In the minds of most students, assembly has been overshadowed with a negative stigma. Perhaps in our prep year it was a beautiful opportunity to listen to the thoughts of talented, accomplished men and women in close proximity and even get the chance to talk to them afterwards.As the years drudged on and the evidently "unfair" practice of assembly as a required appointment was ingrained into our minds, assembly became something to hate, a gathering of the school concluded by a furious stampede in an attempt to reach Grill fast enough.So teachers patrolling the perimeter of assembly hall continue to confiscate phones, students mocking the speakers are told to quiet down and students will continue to dick assembly. This was an alumnus who set aside time to spend an entire day with the school that he once called his own, not to mention one from the demanding show-business. For him only to be greeted by a room full of whispering students with two or three more coming in late each second after he began to speak, to him, should be nothing short of disrespect.This isn’t a unique example. Hollering, jeers, hissing, a massive lack of attendance and mocking come occasionally to greet every assembly speaker. It was particularly bad in the assembly in which the accordion player and the guitar player from Yugoslavia were performing. Even I can find myself guilty of laughing to my friends about the strange, guttural sound of her instrument, along with hearing numerous others as the performers tried to keep a straight face.Disrespect also isn’t inherently exclusive to Exeter. The general complaint in today’s day and age is that youth are too disrespectful, that treat their elders, parents and even fellow student with bad manners. Based on what we can see from assembly and numerous other situations, including that of the infamous phone application Yik-Yak, that is certainly true. Why do kids keep talking back to their teachers and yelling at their parents? What’s up with the rude attitudes?The way Exeter is currently trying to mend this issue of respect seems to come through a theme of goodness. With an emphasis placed on being "good" to others and performing "good" acts and acts of kindness towards each other, it should only seem natural that respect is stored where it is deserved. Rude attitudes ought to be removed for the sake of being good to each other and goodness will replace what was previously narcissism and self-righteousness. To every degree of logic and morality, this makes perfect sense. Goodness is an incredibly desirable trait, and to promote it is healthy and beneficial.But finding the root of this narcissism and self-righteousness is just as important. In any situation, it’s very difficult to find fault within ourselves. It is easy to put the blame on the perpetrators and to simply say that they need to reform themselves, turning a blind eye to other things that may have possibly reformed them.I, for one, do not believe that it is natural. Just like my previous article on the causes of racism, the roots of disrespect are ingrained in the environment around the person and the culture that the person grows up in. It is not natural and innate.The cycle of abuse is thoroughly studied in cases of domestic violence, and the majority of domestic violence cases are caused by a person who previously experienced domestic abuse. The way children are raised and turned into students is just as similar, and in this case, there is a lack of control.In today’s society, goodness is important. But along with that, authority is too, and much more often than not we wait until it is too late to enact authority. Parents and teachers are becoming more and more friends of students, instead of role models and authorities. As they begin to treat students closer and closer to the way they would treat their fellow teachers and colleagues, why are we so surprised that the students treat them back disrespectfully?Too much self-esteem is a bad thing. When parents and teachers become overly-nice to their children, as great as that sounds, disrespect is bound to find its way into behavior. Parents are ever reluctant to place bounds, limits and repercussions upon the decisions that their children can make. They give them more and more freedom of choice and freedom of decision. This is great for certain things, such as pursuing passions, but when the grip becomes too lax it can unravel. When parents give their children that much freedom, to the point of equality, where is the need for respect to be present anymore?The same goes for teachers, evident in rampant grade inflation that is taking over Exeter. Grade inflation is undeniable, simply based on statistics and each year’s rising class average. Teachers pass students for the hope that they will reform. Here they try too much to be the friends of students, instead of mentors. There is a reason for social structure and when that falls apart, then why are people so surprised at the ensuing chaos? Students are told that they are capable adults, that they are equal and ready when emotionally, mentally, physically and socially, they are simply not.There is also some influence from our nation’s culture. Television and magazines in the United States enforce unruly, disobedient behavior. The very songs that we listen to shout words of not caring and "f****ng the system." The shows that we watch include portrayals of youth as adults and doing adult things. I’m sure any one of you reading this could imagine a very different life in a school, public or private, in China. In Singapore, some schools still entertain lashes as punishments. I’m not saying that our school should start whipping kids for texting during assembly, but I am saying that there is a comparable difference.Tuesday’s assembly speaker told a short anecdote about how the first time he was denied from Exeter he was simply told that he wasn’t smart enough to be here. I’m sure that many others who went to school in the 60’s, not to mention Exeter, can certainly account for a much more different, much more strict time.As a result, our accounts of unruly behavior have shifted and thus has our treatment of unruly behavior done the same. It’s terrible that there are individuals that disrespect assembly speakers, and the things posted on Yik-Yak are simply horrific. That must be acknowledged, and it’s incredibly important, if not vital, that those acts be discouraged. Goodness is great and goodness is necessary. My question is simply this: why are we all so surprised? 