The Hurt and the Goodness

On a Saturday afternoon, many Exonians can be found chatting at the football games, sipping coffee at D Squared Java or bumping music in their dorm rooms with friends. But somewhere on campus, there is a student in his room alone with the doors locked and curtains closed. That student has no one to talk to. He lives in darkness fearing another day of ostracization. Yet, Exeter forces these students to conform and be a regular part of the Exeter Community.This is a story of an unrepresented Exonian.Prep year, I broke my ankle playing lacrosse in the cage. Compared to a torn ACL or a shattered fibula, a broken ankle is a very minor injury. I, too, thought that my life would go on without a problem. I mistakenly believed that the only pain I’d receive from my injury was the physical pain itself. But that kind of pain went away when I popped a pill of Vicodin. Instead, the stress, the way my friends, classmates and teachers talked and treated me tore me apart. They pushed me down the stairs after Assemblies, saying I moved too slowly on crutches. They cursed me off, when I spilled something on the floor on D-Hall lines. Nevertheless, according to my teachers I was no different. "We all have problems. You just have to deal with it," my teacher told me after giving me a dickey for being three minutes late. That class was on the third floor of the Academy building. Now, imagine crutching across from the second floor of the English building to the third floor the Academy building. But apparently, I was "pitying myself."When I re-fractured my ankle going down the icy stairs, I was helpless. I simply couldn’t walk or crutch around the campus. Nevertheless, I was still that idiot who broke his ankle because of my own carelessness. So instead of dealing with people’s harsh comments, I just resorted to my dark room and slept away my unhappy days. In the spring, flowers blossomed and snow melted away. When all my friends were outside bridge jumping and throwing a frisbee, I stayed put in my room because grass and sunshine were the privileges of the uninjured.I do admit some friends offered help. But that seemed almost out of courtesy, and when I even asked some of my best friends to help me carry my laundry down or bring my plate to the table, they refused. They said they were "too busy." Over the course of five months on crutches, these were all parts of my daily struggles. The nights I spent chatting in Grill became nights of smashing my crutches against the wall and screaming at my roommate for absolutely no reason. As cliché as it sounds, it seemed as if the whole world was against me. I became a cynic, a hater and a non-believer.I believe there are two fundamental problems in dealing with mental health at Exeter.The first is the school’s failure to appropriately deal with the hurt. One of the supposed benefits of having small classes is that the teacher is able to give personal attention to a struggling student. The system becomes completely useless if the teacher doesn’t make an effort to help the student first. Often times, teachers expect the students to come forth and ask for help. But in the case of the depressed students, that is the hardest and the scariest step. Drug addicts don’t just walk into rehab clinics by themselves. They needed to be brought there by an outside force. It is tedious to be looking around for any small irregularities in a student’s behavior. However, if Exeter truly wants to stop any more cases of depression, that is the first step. We are spending our efforts in the wrong place by restricting and monitoring social media applications. They are just the messengers. When a medium gets taken away from the crowd, individuals who intend on harming others will always succeed on finding an alternative.This brings me to my second problem: "goodness." It almost seems as if Exeter only talks about goodness. From the outside, the discussion of "goodness" seems like the ultimate solution to end bullying, depression and many other issues. There is, however, absolutely no use for the discourse if Exonians are not able to practice goodness in their daily lives.Mental health problems are worsened and often times caused by the harmful actions people take. What goes around, comes around. One negative comment on Facebook, Twitter, E-Mail or any method of communication can turn people’s lives upside down. If we truly practiced goodness, I wouldn’t have had to worry about getting shoved down the stairs or getting cussed out at dining hall for taking my time or being insulted by my dorm mates about my injury. It is not social media or the existence of texts that harm or kill people. It is our negativity in those texts and messages that bring depression onto a new generation of Exonians. In fact, sweet texts can make a lot of magic happen. Handing out Suicide Hotline pamphlets will have absolutely no positive effect on the students as long as our actions don’t change. Our actions throughout the year and in the future will show whether Exonians are mere hypocrites who talk about promoting goodness or caring and passionate individuals.I don’t know how many students, faculty or parents will read this column, but I want to take a moment to apologize for my actions in the past. And thank those who were always there for me. 