The Post-Exeter Stage
Standing up there on stage with our diplomas in hand under the bright sun on graduation day, we were ready to conquer anything. We had one to four years of Exeter under our belts; we could accomplish everything. We were excited for the parties, the booze and the freedom. We were ready to carry the Exeter legacy with us as proud alumni. Harkness ran through our blood, and we grew up spoiled with love from our teachers and friends, putting us way ahead of our peers from other schools. Equipped with the reassuring words from visiting alums that college would be easy, I flew to Chicago smugly confident that everything would fall into place.
After one year in college, I realize now that I may have gone through more hardships and confusion than I ever did during my four years at Exeter. Orientation week kick-started my stressful transition to college; although living away from home was second nature to us, many of my housemates were leaving the nest for the first time and were overeager to meet each other. I lost track of how many times I introduced myself to people who wouldn’t remember my name if I saw them again, and the question “Am I even going to be friends with them when I graduate?” burned in the back of my mind. “Exeter? Isn’t that where the rich preppy kids go?” people would snarl in my face, and I felt my confidence slowly shrinking as I struggled to reconcile my prep school past in this new Midwestern environment.
Academically, the transition was even worse. I was frustrated by the huge lectures and pseudo-Harkness discussions, where the professor would encourage discussion on the syllabus yet dominate and leave little to no time for the students themselves to speak. I was frustrated when I had studied extensively for a failed calculus test that was harder than any exam I took in Mr. Feng’s class. It was difficult to adapt my writing style to the style that some professors wanted, and I was surprised, even shocked, that I had perhaps more work than I ever did at Exeter.
I’m not trying to scare anyone here, especially not on your graduation day. I understand that everyone’s college experience is different–some people may have had no difficulty transitioning or have classes that are manageable. But I would say that it is wrong to assume that everything gets easier after Exeter. You will inevitably question yourself as you navigate your way through a sea of new faces and question just how much Exeter prepared you for college as it (supposedly) claimed it would. You will feel the pressures of a looming future in the workforce and the panic that hits you twelve hours before a cumulative bio final.
Despite the difficult transition, I’d say that the post-Exeter experience, as I see it after a year of college, is a beautiful one. It is beautiful because all the emotions that you feel, the frustrations and joys that you experience, the questions that run through your mind, are what you’re supposed to feel as an Exonian out of Exeter. After getting a 61 percent on my math midterm, it was as if my whole world shattered, and I almost wanted to give up. However, what my father, who graduated from Exeter in 1975, said right after I told him about the failed test still resonates with me today: that “it’s not the failed grade that puts Exeter to shame, it’s knowing how to deal with the failed grade that puts Exeter to shame.” This applies to not just a failed grade but to almost anything. Exeter did not condition us to be perfect human beings who do exceptionally well in everything beyond Exeter – that’s not what an Exonian is. An Exonian is someone who thoughtfully works his way through these obstacles and comes out a stronger person each time, just as Exeter conditioned him to be. He is conditioned to think critically, to question himself, to look inwards and reflect. And he is not alone. There is beauty in knowing that many generations of Exonians have been there before him, feeling the same emotions, experiencing the same frustrations and joys and asking the same questions. There is beauty in knowing that there is a shared connection running amongst the alumni community that is there to guide him through the post-Exeter stage.
Class of 2014, you are more than ready to take on the challenges that you will face, and we alumni are there to support you. Congratulations on behalf of the Exeter alumni community!