In Defense of Teenage Romance

Two weeks ago, I went to my P.O. box for The Exonian as usual. Predictably, I flipped the pages to Opinions, and found a relatively short article claiming to answer a huge philosophical question on the definition of love. Reading on, I found that it did not try to define love at all. Indeed, in the first sentence it dismisses "romantic love" is an illusion. Freedom, one of the most treasured values in America, is as abstract a concept as romantic love, and we all uphold that freedom is our inherent right. And even though the article never explicitly mentions teenagers, I assume it was directed at us as the article later addresses Exeter students and discusses adrenaline, a substance typically associated with teenage romance.The article claims that teenage love has three main components: attraction, emotion, and spark, and all three components are detrimental to the lovers. It claims further that attraction can be reduced to physical attractiveness, and thus is not worth our consideration. Such a statement puts forth an oversimplified assumption that all loving teens are blind. This is not necessarily true. Loving teens, like other teens, are capable of using reason to guide their relationships if they choose to. The real issue here, therefore, is not to stop the trend that teenagers are getting more and more involved in relationships, but to make them pursue their relationships with common sense.Admittedly, the “spark” plays a significant role in teenage romance, but there is nothing wrong with having a spark for someone, just as there is nothing wrong with liking an academic subject more than another, or getting along with one friend better than another. This is a matter of personal preference, an outlet through which teenagers and adults alike pursue happiness. “Sparks” lead to emotional attachment, which also does not automatically mean we “throw our entire lives away," as the article’s author repeats like a mantra. Indeed, emotional attachment is generally positive as it softens our hearts, making us more caring and sympathetic toward others. The effect is cumulative. The more we are attached to someone, the more we care about others, since we wholeheartedly know that our actions affect the one we love.The article also neglects two critical aspects of love: closeness and commitment. Teenage love brings teenagers together to get to know each other better. It is uncommon for a boy to truly understand how a girl thinks, behaves, reacts, and vice versa. Closeness brought by teenage love suits very well to narrow this inevitable gap. Teenagers tend to group together according to gender, but this romance acts like a trigger for both girls and boys to reach out to the opposite sex and try to understand them. (When a boy has a relationship with a girl, that boy tends to interact more with other girls too, as the girl will drag that boy into her group of friends, right?) With more exposure to the opposite sex, we gradually develop insights, during the course of relationships, that our girlfriends are not the same as other girls. Not all girls enjoy online shopping and not all boys like playing sports. These differences will be even more pronounced if our girlfriends are the exceptions. (The same argument goes for boyfriends.) As the relationship progresses, we steer clear of simplistic stereotypes and become more aware of these differences. Hence, teenage romance increases our sensitivity toward others, and adds sophistication to our worldview.Such a caring attitude toward others enriches our social lives far more than romance does. We learn to put ourselves in others’ shoes. We learn to see others with clear eyes, beyond appearances, to see who they actually are and how they really feel. We learn that trust is a hard-earned prize for sincerity, and resides at the core of any relationship, romantic or otherwise. Moreover, we learn how to accommodate others. We learn what types of behaviors make our dating partners uncomfortable, and in most cases such behaviors should be avoided in public as well. We learn to console our partners, and such skills are easily transferable to any type of social interaction. When we understand others more, we learn not to be too self-centered and to adapt ourselves to fit better in the society we live in.Teenage romance, however, does not require us to sacrifice our identities. On the contrary, it reinforces and refines those identities. On the one hand, a fundamental tenet of love is to “love the way you are.” Those who are normally shy can find their romance a great boost to their self-confidence, as they realize others are truly care about them, not just their expected images. On the other hand, teenage romance motivates us to impress our boyfriends/girlfriends and constantly improve ourselves. A boy can keep his room organized for the first time when he is in a relationship in case his girlfriend visits his room, or become familiar with all the restaurants and ice-cream shops in downtown Exeter even though a week before he needed a map to navigate the school campus, or to take on singing because his competitor is just too fantastic on stage. The romance may not last long, but the acquired skills and confidence will remain with us forever.Like extra-curricular activities, teenage romance demands passion, effort and commitment, and thus is a great boost to our lives.